Tag Archives: Treasury Department

Back in the USSA

New Rule #1: If a Rethuglican starts mouthing off about the perils of socialized medicine, you have to grab a roll of quarters and punch him right in the nads (via The Washington Post):

In remarks to the media just concluded, Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson said the federal government will use the authority it has been granted by the $700 billion Wall Street bailout/rescue law to buy actual stakes in U.S. banks, in addition to merely buying troubled assets off their books.

New Rule #2: When you go to the bank you must walk this way

Serious advice: Получите ваши деньги в малый, местный банк КАК МОЖНО СКОРЕЕ.

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Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Greed

Nous sommes screwed

Christ, don’t let Bush say anything about the economy. Please God don’t let this gibbering bastard say anything about the economy. Aaaargh! Fuck! Nooooo (via the AssPress):

Eager to show that he feels people’s pain [And enjoying it immensely -ed.], President Bush told the country Thursday his administration is working feverishly to calm turmoil in the financial markets [Translation: Restore the smooth flow of cash to his buddies -ed.]. With reports swirling of possibly imminent new government action, the president met with his treasury secretary and the head of the Federal Reserve.

Yeah, I can imagine how that conversation went. President MonkeyWrench sat there nodding and rocking in his seat and asked questions like: “Would it help if we bombed Iran?” “How about if we invade Iran and then bombed them?” “Hey where’s my pretzles!?”

“The American people can be sure we will continue to act to strengthen and stabilize our financial markets and improve investor confidence,” the president said.

Bush did not specify what those steps might be. White House press secretary Dana Perino said she could not comment on them, either. “That’s something I’m not at liberty to talk about,” she said.

Translation: No one has idea one, we’re just trying to spin this out so we can get out of here without you suckers lynching us.

And just a reminder. If you think whatever “action” Commander Codbrain and his Pals concoct will benefit you, please reading the following aloud:

Eye am sofa king wetaded.

Again.

And again…

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Filed under Circular firing squad, Economy, Fail Watch