Christ, don’t let Bush say anything about the economy. Please God don’t let this gibbering bastard say anything about the economy. Aaaargh! Fuck! Nooooo (via the AssPress):
Eager to show that he feels people’s pain [And enjoying it immensely -ed.], President Bush told the country Thursday his administration is working feverishly to calm turmoil in the financial markets [Translation: Restore the smooth flow of cash to his buddies -ed.]. With reports swirling of possibly imminent new government action, the president met with his treasury secretary and the head of the Federal Reserve.
Yeah, I can imagine how that conversation went. President MonkeyWrench sat there nodding and rocking in his seat and asked questions like: “Would it help if we bombed Iran?” “How about if we invade Iran and then bombed them?” “Hey where’s my pretzles!?”
“The American people can be sure we will continue to act to strengthen and stabilize our financial markets and improve investor confidence,” the president said.
Bush did not specify what those steps might be. White House press secretary Dana Perino said she could not comment on them, either. “That’s something I’m not at liberty to talk about,” she said.
Translation: No one has idea one, we’re just trying to spin this out so we can get out of here without you suckers lynching us.
And just a reminder. If you think whatever “action” Commander Codbrain and his Pals concoct will benefit you, please reading the following aloud:
Eye am sofa king wetaded.
Yesterday Wank Paulson revealed his plan to make everything perfect forever. Not really his plan, the White House’s plan. And not perfect for everyone. The offer of perfection is only available to those inhabiting the upper 1%.
Already angry calls of bullshit and shenanigans ring around our Nation’s capital (via The Washington Post):
What in the world is going on here? [We’re being fucked over. Again. – ed]Why is Washington spending billions to bail out Wall Street titans while leaving struggling homeowners to fend for themselves? [Wall Street Tits, Rich; Homeowners, Poor. Duh. – ed.] Why are the Federal Reserve and the Treasury acting as if they’re afraid the world may come to an end, while the stock market seems much less concerned? And finally, what does all this mean to those of us who aren’t financial professionals? [Hooray, we’re fucked! Again! – ed.]
Today we learned that the totally absolutely cross my heart and hope to die really not a bailout and anyway it won’t come back and screw the taxpayer like a cheap whore “rescue” of Bear-Stearns is, in fact, a bailout and will, in fact screw the tax payer like a cheap whore (via: Calculated Risk, h/t BJ).
And don’t expect the Fed to call us a taxi.
And today we also learned that the SEC, which kinda sorta could have done something to head off this train-wreck fails at keeping track of its own money (via the G.A.O.):
Our November 16, 2007, report concluded that SEC had a material weakness in internal control over its financial reporting process, and therefore did not maintain effective internal control over financial reporting as of September 30, 2007.
I’m closing out my 401k and keeping all of my money in the mattress.