Tag Archives: Bush

I’m feeling lazy.

Find your own fail.

Or insert a Furry joke here.

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Filed under Fail Watch, Government Accountability Office, Lazy Latte Sipping Islahomo

Chimper Tantrum

Oh noes! The Chimperor is brandishing his vetotizing pen in one hand and a paw full of poo in the other (via The Washington Post):

“I will veto the bill that’s moving through the House today if it makes it to my desk, and I urge members on both sides of the aisle to focus on a good piece of legislation that is being sponsored by Republican members,” Bush told reporters.

He said his administration is “committed to a good housing bill that will help folks stay in their house, as opposed to a housing bill that will reward speculators and lenders.” The Republican alternative bill “will do the right thing for the American people when it comes to housing,” he said.

Without even looking at the bill I know that somewhere in there is a penalty or two for the FoC’s who got us into this mess.

But administration officials previously have voiced objections to the cost of a plan that would help distressed homeowners and have charged that it forces taxpayers to assume too much of the burden of risky home loans.

That’s right! Taxpayers should be forced to assume the burden of illegal invasions, wasteful contracts to benefit the FoC’s and bailouts of said FoC’s when they fuck up. How dare the DemoNcRats try to use tax money to benefit taxpayers. And taxpayers that don’t qualify for a thousand and one loopholes that result in the IRS bringing bars of gold to their doorstep no less, I feel faint with outrage!

What else did this drooling crap weasle whine about?

Bush said today that he and the House Republican leaders are also “deeply concerned about the high price of gasoline, which means that the United States Congress should not pass legislation that makes it harder to increase the supply of crude oil as well as increase the supply of gasoline.” He reiterated his call for construction of more oil refineries and for “environmentally friendly domestic exploration.” Bush has repeatedly complained that congressional Democrats have blocked drilling for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in northeastern Alaska.

Yeah. ‘Cos, y’see. You just gotta poke the ground with a stick and the oil will come a-gushin’ out. Like in Beverly Hillbillies.

Jesus Christ on a velicoraptor. I’d like to find fuckwit who came up with “Environmentally Friendly Oil Exploration,” and force him to explain exactly what that entails. All I will need is a jar of honey and some fire ants. Maybe a ball peen hammer. Don’t worry, I will be torturing subjecting this shithead to enhanced interrogation methods in order to protect America and the English language so it’s all good.

What the Chimperor won’t tell you is exploration in ANWR will likely cause the price of gas to go up. Getting the people and equipment up there won’t be cheap, neither will setting up and maintaining an operation in an less than friendly environment (heh). Expecting the oil companies to dip into their profits to fund their own boondoggle is like expecting a to find unicorns romping with the Easter Bunny in your backyard. Then, assuming there is enough oil under there to make further destruction, er, environmentally friendly extraction, worthwhile. that oil will go on the market where other countries, say for example China, will have the opportunity to bid. You remember China? The country that has our collective ‘nads on the anvil because someone borrowed a shit ton of money off them so he could freedomize the people of Iraq.

[Sigh] 256 days.

Hey America! Heh.

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Filed under Fail Watch, Greed, Misguided Self-justification

Texas Tickler

Feeling down? Can’t pay the bills? Fear not! The Prezidunce’s Master Rebation’ Package is on it’s way: (via The Washington Post):

President Bush said tax rebates will start going out Monday, earlier than previously announced, and should help Americans cope with rising gasoline and food prices, as well as aid a slumping economy.

Wait a minute. Food? Gas? That’s not what you said earlier:

Bush’s emphasis on fuel and food prices differed from other comments he’s made since signing the economic stimulus legislation, intended to aid the economy by boosting overall consumer spending – which accounts for roughly two-thirds of the nation’s economic activity.

Bush has suggested the rebates could trigger a spending spree. “When the money reaches the American people, we expect they will use it to boost consumer spending,” he said last month.

Wow. Could The Chimperor finally be acknowledging that we’re not all going to rush out and buy iPhones when we get our “up to $600” dollar checks? Quick! The bubble has been breached! Sound the alarm! Get the duct tape!

Democrats were quick to pick up on the change of focus.

“It’s galling to think that taxpayers’ stimulus checks will be lining the pockets of OPEC. The sad truth is that the average American family will spend almost their entire stimulus check on higher gas prices this year,” said Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y., chairman of the Joint Economic Committee of Congress.

Fear not Mr. Schumer. It won’t all go to OPEC. Some of it will go to local utility companies (via The New York Times):

After struggling with soaring heating costs through the winter, millions of Americans are behind on electric and gas bills, and a record number of families could face energy shut-offs over the next two months, according to state energy officials and utilities around the country.

Food or heat? Light or water? Heat or water? Water or food?

Say what you like about The Chimperor, he’s given American’s a lot of choices.

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Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, We're from the government

Protecting the Chimperor’s banana supply (286)

Monkey don’t get banana, monkey get angry. Monkey start another war! Must. Obey. The monkey (via The Washington Post):

This agreement will advance America’s national security interests in a critical region.

And:

The need for this agreement is too urgent, the stakes for our national security are too high to allow this year to end without a vote.

And:

Approving this agreement is urgent for our national security reasons.

Hey! Don’t forget to rattle that old sabre at Chavez – Oh, never mind.

Colombia also faces a hostile and anti-American regime in Venezuela, which has met with FARC terrorist leaders and deployed troops to the Colombian border as a means of intimidating the Colombian government and its people.

Maybe you should get another whackjob to back up your bullshit – Oh, never mind.

The Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, has said, if the U.S. turns its back on its friends in Colombia, this will set back our cause far more than any Latin American dictator could hope to achieve.

Dear Columbians, Look out, I think he’s about to invade your asses (and not in a good way):

The stakes are high in South America. By acting at this critical moment, we can show a watching world that America will honor its commitments, we can provide a powerful rebuke to dictators and demagogues in our backyard, we can expand U.S. exports and export- related jobs, we can show millions across the hemisphere that democracy and free enterprise lead to a better life.

Did I say bananas? I meant coke.

Res ipsa loquitur

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Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Foreign Policy, The War Against Terror

Two in the brainpan (296)

The most difficult thing about documenting the last days of bAdmin. isn’t keeping up with the deluge of Fail. The most difficult part is being forced to think about and even look at the Creature from Crawford (via Ron Edmonds – AP):

R. Edmonds (AP)
L: Australian P.M. Rudd. R: Chimperor Codpiece.

Oh. How I suffer for my art. But Rudd’s probably thinking the same thing and I’ve never had to shake hands with President Codlings, so I’ll stop whining and get on with it. Fail

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Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, We're from the government