More stuff I’m too lazy to drag over from The Roast

Texas Judge Outlaws Male Teachers, Little League Coaches, Troop Leaders …

Ron Paul Reminds the Public: Gibbertarians are Worthless Fuckstains.

In other news, right this very second I am listening to this. Loud. Louder!

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The First Bullet

The Marriage Vow created by The FAMiLY LEADER has been getting a lot of attention, especially since presidential dopefuls Bachmann, Santorum &  Pawlenty signed the thing.

It is about what you’d expect from an organization of that name.

That is, a disjointed collection of squawking points about the perils of consensual sex that reads like it was written by a schizophrenic who has been flushing his meds down the toilet.

Yesterday Mrs. Polly of Rumproast pulled this quote from the wreckage. Mind you, it is the very first bullet of their Vow:

Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.

Amazing innit? The way they manage to cram so many racist lies into such a tiny space. But upon re-reading it this morning, the first phrase of the first bullet point deserves more attention. Let’s break it down a bit:

1. Slavery was harmful to certain families in AFRICA. Contrary to what TFL wants you to think, slave wranglers didn’t carefully round up whole families and ship them off to the colonies.

2. There were no African-Americans during slavery. Being an American includes the all of the rights of being a citizen. Even freed slaves didn’t have those rights. However, further perusal of the MV suggests TFL believes you can be an American even if a few … dozen of your rights are taken away.

3. A child born into slavery wasn’t born into a family. We were property. Property doesn’t have family any more than the cows in the barn or the cotton in the field had families. In addition, the fact that any groupings of  mother, father & child that occurred during slavery could be broken up by the slave owner at any moment makes me wonder how TFL defines family. Actually, they probably do think Virtue Squads should be able to bust up a  home if the parents aren’t the right sort.

UnSnarkable II

In this edition of UnSnarkable, your voting rights and the people who want to take them away [via J.M.G]:

“The Founding Fathers originally said, they put certain restrictions on who gets the right to vote. It wasn’t you were just a citizen and you got to vote. Some of the restrictions, you know, you obviously would not think about today. But one of those was you had to be a property owner. And that makes a lot of sense, because if you’re a property owner you actually have a vested stake in the community. If you’re not a property owner, you know, I’m sorry but property owners have a little bit more of a vested interest in the community than non-property owners.”

Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips is sorry, but he communed with the Founding Fathers and they told him people who rent just don’t matter enough to deserve the right to vote.

You know who else doesn’t let people vote until age 21?

[Now with Optional Soundtrack!™]

THE REPUBLICANS WON!!! The House of Reps. anyway. The usual rejects – still laboring under the delusion anyone gives a damn what they think – have started to draw up their revenge wish lists. (1. Get rid of these damn Mexicans. 2. Stop all these homosexuals from breathing our air. 3. Send Obama back to Africa. 4. Make it illegal to call people racists or bigots…)

The bargain basement Boadicea of the right believes this is the start of the 40 year war (for serious) and has issued a battle cry/to-do list to her followers. To summarize [via Sadly, No!]:

• Muslims Out! (Repeat in ear-drum destroying voice until windows shatter.)
• Big government Out!
• RINOs Out!

One made me laugh out loud:

• We will crush them with our logic and reason and concrete facts.

And then there was this:

• We will raise the voting age to 21. Military excluded. If “children” are still on their parents health-care at 26, maybe 21 is too low.

A trip to the United $tate$ of GlennBecki$tan

Mouseover is your friend!

All photos © JSG 2010.

Piddler on the Roof

Shorter Ross Douchehat: We must preserve imaginary relationships between theoretical people at the expense of real relationships between real people (via MY):

This ideal holds up the commitment to lifelong fidelity and support by two sexually different human beings — a commitment that involves the mutual surrender, arguably, of their reproductive self-interest — as a uniquely admirable kind of relationship. It holds up the domestic life that can be created only by such unions, in which children grow up in intimate contact with both of their biological parents, as a uniquely admirable approach to child-rearing. And recognizing the difficulty of achieving these goals, it surrounds wedlock with a distinctive set of rituals, sanctions and taboos.

Got it?  Ross has a pretty picture in his head of the prince and princess riding off into the sunset where they live happily ever after in a big castle that looks just like the Barbie Princess Castle Playset.

The thought that two princes* or two princesses might do the same thing simply ruins everything for him. Boo. Hoo. So America must stick this ideal between two acid-free sheets of paper and lock it up in an air-tight safe marked “Heteros Only” so the kw33rs, people who understand the Constitution and people who object to bigotry don’t get their filthy hands on it or the Barbie Castle.

He says all of this, even though he admits his pretty picture has practically bugger all to do with reality:

Or at least, it was the Western understanding. Lately, it has come to co-exist with a less idealistic, more accommodating approach, defined by no-fault divorce, frequent out-of-wedlock births, and serial monogamy.

The more these assholes stand athwart the roof yelling “Tradition!” the more they slip and crack their balls. I’m sure it will cease to amuse eventually. But for now, let’s see that again in slow motion!

Ceci n’est pas un dog whistle

The Teabagging/Crisco party in Nashville, TN is shaping up to be everything I hoped it would be. Human-shaped puke puddle Tom Tancredo got things rolling when he threw away his dog whistle and pulled an air horn out of his capacious ass (via Think Progress):

The opening-night speaker at first ever National Tea Party Convention ripped into President Obama, Sen. John McCain and “the cult of multiculturalism,” asserting that Obama was elected because “we do not have a civics, literacy test before people can vote in this country.”

OK. Granted, this is Tom Tancredo, arguably one of the stupidest vertebrates to ever draw breath in the U.S.H.o.R., even if you count the mice. It is possible this steaming butt nugget doesn’t know the sort of tests he mentions were outlawed by an act of Congress when Tom was about 20 years old.

In other words, if we did things Tom’s way, he wouldn’t be allowed to vote.

Hmm…

Nah.

Anyway, I think Tom knew exactly what he was saying and I’m really glad he said it. The GOP desperately wants to control, or form alliances with, or at least avoid being viciously mauled by the Teabaggers. At the same time they’re trying to convince people that we’re the party of scary radical goons and (my favorite part) convince people like me that I should vote for them because the Democrats are the real racists.

Two-legged ass stains like Tom make this impossible. And they create some awesome political theatre along the way.

[xp Rumproast]