Category Archives: The War Against Terror

The real victims speak out

Sarah Palin & Glenn Beck have been exchanging emails about how mean nasty and scary things have become and how much they love peace and how they just want to buy the world a Coke.

How do I know? Glenn told everyone [via PoliticusUSA]:

“…I said Sarah as you know, peace is always the answer. I know you’re feeling the same heat, if not much more on this. I want you to know you have my support, but please look into protection for your family. An attempt on you could bring the republic down.”

Because when Person A places cross-hairs over the name of Person B, and Person B winds up in the hospital with a gunshot wound to the head, it is Person A who is in danger.

And I can’t think of a way to comment on the bring down the republic thing that doesn’t make me sound as fucked up as Geck.

Of course it gets worse:

If things go awry … The truth won’t matter anymore, if it actually starts. One side will kill, and the other side will have to pay back, and before you know it, everyone is killing and not quite sure why anymore.

Question also begged: We’ve got an assassination attempt that left 6 dead and 14 wounded. How much fucking more awry do things have to get to set off the Showdown at Big Sky (A.K.A. “It”)?  Apparently the definition of awry is different for fear-mongering fucks entertaining people who like to be frightened by made up shit, but who have not yet discovered horror movies.

Of course it gets weirder:

All of those in the media and in Washington all with fame, fortune, or any kind of power will be in danger, if God forbid the worst begins.

Second question begged: What is the Famous Rich Powerful person trying to say here?

Perhaps he expects his loyal fans to form a protective cordon around his house when God fails to forbid the beginning of the worst after IT goes awry.

Fat chance Glenn. Not only does your faithful flock expect you to kick in the Overton Window and save the day but this side doesn’t want to co-star in your little Revenge Kill Blood Death fantasy.

Nice attempt to revive that “Skree! Someone Killed a Negro So Negroes Will Kill Us! Better Kill Some Negroes!” vibe. Very retro. You disgusting little man.

Embrace Peace. Or Glenn will shoot you.(screencap via J.M.G.)

Third question begged: Seriously? No one thought to swap the picture of Glenn playing Peek-a-Bang with Glenn doing something else he likes? Having sex with a goat dyed red white and blue, perhaps.

I’d say screw these people, but they’re doing a fine job on their own.

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Filed under Misguided Self-justification, Republicans and other Perverts, The War Against Terror

Congress passes thought crime bill, str8 people doomed

No really, it’s true!

You might think the The Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act only does this (via the AssPress):

Physical attacks on people based on their sexual orientation will join the list of federal hate crimes in a major expansion of the civil rights-era law Congress approved Thursday and sent to President Barack Obama.

Wrong! According to mental giants such as Jim DeMint (R-Ustoopid?), Tony “Perky” Perkins and the rest of the men who stare at goats, this is the first step on the hot and sweaty road to tastefully dressed and quite attractive Thought Police kicking down your door and dragging you off for [ahem] “re-education” if you even look like you might be thinking gays and lesbians are less than 110% wonderful.

To which I can only respond: You wish.

(Well, I could respond: Fuck you with rusty handsaws sideways, you ugly minded hypocritical bastards. But this is a good day.)

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Filed under Lazy Latte Sipping Islahomo, Republicans and other Perverts, The War Against Terror

I’ve been trying to find the words

I wanted to write a really evocative piece about what it feels like in D.C. right now. The mood of the people (not the nut-shriveling cold), the anticipation in the air, the fact that people really are striding around with a cheery little gleam in their eye like they know a secret and they know you know the secret too and isn’t it wonderful? And then there’s this … uh … this …

Words fail me.

I mean, I could tell you about arriving at the other end of my commute this morning and seeing that even the train station at the ass end of nowhere has a full compliment of porta-johns, but I’d have to tell you why that made an impression on me and you’d probably wind up reaching for a great big net.

As I said, I can’t find the words. So you’ll have to listen to this:

Wait. You don’t get chills?

What’s a Republican doing in my blog?

Ed: I have no idea why the embed crapped out.

But you’re still a Republican if you don’t get chills.

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Filed under A break from the fail, Inauguration 2009, Lazy Latte Sipping Islahomo, The War Against Terror

Will Work 4 Food, Part the 5th

Soon to be unemployed person: Michael “Hank Paulson” Chertoff

Current title: Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, aka Secretary of the Department of OMG I’m So Scared I Crapped My PANTS!!

Past Employment: “Secretary Chertoff was previously confirmed by the Senate in 2001 to serve as Assistant Attorney General for the Criminal Division at the Department of Justice. As Assistant Attorney General, he oversaw the investigation of the 9/11 terrorist attacks [Conclusion: No one in BAdmin could have seen this coming – ed]. He also formed the Enron Task Force, which produced more than 20 convictions, including those of CEOs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay [Conclusion: No one in BAdmin could have seen this coming – ed].”

May he long be remembered for: His Amazing Educated Gut.

Apparent areas of expertise: Hunger strikes.

Suggestions for new jobs: Body double for Hank Paulson, Chicken Little or Ann Coulter.

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Filed under The War Against Terror, We're from the government, WW4F

Check the under optimistic rug

Remember when we invaded Afghanistan? Remember why we went into Afghanistan? Remember how President FuckNut got distracted from our goals in Afghanistan (stomp the Taliban and catch Osama still Hidin’)? Remember what happened next?

Well, guess what buttercup, that lie about Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction continues to bite our military in the ass (via The Washington Post):

U.S. commanders in Afghanistan now believe they need about 20,000 additional troops to battle a growing Taliban insurgency, as demands mount for support forces such as helicopter units, intelligence teams and engineers that are critical to operating in the country’s harsh terrain.

Remember when Bush joked about not finding WMD with his oh-so-clever looking under the furniture pantomime? That sure was funny wasn’t it? Maybe he’ll do it again when someone asks where the Hell we’re supposed to get 20,000 soldiers who aren’t fucking exhausted and ready to scamper up and down mountains. That sure would be hyuck-hyuck oh stop I can’t breathe funny. Almost as funny as the fact that Osama bin Laden is still at large and the fascist bastards of the Taliban are regrouping. Maybe he’ll suggest posting a want ad in the papers. That would be a real fucking knee slapper.

“There is no question” that insurgents have used sanctuaries in Pakistan to grow more skilled in infantry tactics such as raids, ambushes, small-arms gunfights, and the use of mortars and rockets, as well as suicide bombings, [ Brig. Gen. Mark A. Milley, deputy commander of U.S. troops in eastern Afghanistan] said in an interview.

Dude, they cut their teeth on the Russians. They aren’t getting more skilled, they’re taking refresher courses.

Meanwhile, the shortage of military resources is constraining the frequency and scope of U.S. offensive operations against insurgents. “You have to build a strategy that keeps you within the realm of your capabilities,” [Brig. Gen. Michael S. Tucker, the top commander for day-to-day military operations in Afghanistan] said in an interview. Of the requested troop increase, Tucker said, “I’d like to get it tomorrow.”

Clearly he didn’t get the memo: If you base your strategy on reality, the terrorists will win.


Five seconds of serious:

To all of the people trying to hold it together out there: This latte sipping Islahomo wishes you luck. Come home safe.

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Filed under Fail Watch, Military, The War Against Terror