Category Archives: “Stay in view please”

I want you to know, that this is going down, on your permanent record

Full disclosure: I didn’t like grade school. I’m sure I didn’t hate it as much as some people hated it, but so far as I’m concerned, Hell is a last period class in 8th grade that lasts FOREVER.

Then I read things like this and feel stupid for complaining [via Computerworld]:

A federal judge yesterday ordered [Lower Merion School District] the Pennsylvania school district accused of spying on its students to stop activating the cameras in school-issued MacBook laptops.

Do what?

According to the original complaint, Blake Robbins was accused by a Harriton High School assistant principal of “improper behavior in his home” and shown a photograph taken by his laptop as evidence. In an appearance on network television last Saturday, Robbins said he was accused by the assistant principal of selling drugs and taking pills, but he claimed the pictures taken by his computer’s camera showed him eating candy.

Ooookaaay. A school gives laptops to its students. It neglects to inform parents or students that the laptops contain cameras that can be remotely operated. Right there we have what is known in technical parlance as a heinous problem.

Then, because there isn’t enough stupidity in this sad tale, some pervert at one of the schools allegedly uses the application to spy on at least one student. And then, because she is a stupid fucking pervert, she confronts the student with evidence that she’s a fucking pervert. Brilliant.

And no, I’m not saying the assistant principal really is a pervert. But you know the kids are going to say it.

The school district’s line is that the camera feature was only meant to catch people who steal laptops. Honest. And you kids sure look cute in your jammies [LMSD Press Release 18 Feb. 10]:

The laptops do contain a security feature intended to track lost, stolen and missing laptops.

[and]

This feature has only been used for the limited purpose of locating a lost, stolen or missing laptop. The District has not used the tracking feature or web cam for any other purpose or in any other manner whatsoever.

I’m no computer genius, but how much use is a photo of a computer thief? “Oh officer, my laptop was stolen. Here’s a picture of the thief. What? No, I don’t recognize him. And yes, you’re right he could be anywhere by now. Don’t you have a national database of computer thieves?”

Oh well, the money the LSMD saved with their upskirt video computer protection plan should help defray the legal fees they’re going to incur ‘cos they didn’t consult with an attorney before they started Operation Barely Legal.

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Filed under "Stay in view please", Education, Misguided Self-justification

Border Bandits

So how bad is our economy? The U.S. government has taken to swiping people’s electronics and selling them overseas (via The Washington Post):

Federal agents may take a traveler’s laptop computer or other electronic device to an off-site location for an unspecified period of time without any suspicion of wrongdoing, as part of border search policies the Department of Homeland Security recently disclosed.

Sure, they say it’s for security reasons but what the hell do they expect to find on the iPod of a person bent on blowing up the Washington Monument? Plans for blowing up the Washington Monument? Please. The only way anyone that stupid could harm anyone is when he accidentally blows himself up. If TSA gets its paws on your laptop and camera it won’t see the light of day until it hits Cuba.

Raoul Castro’s new policies have created a great demand for electronics.

And if you’re yawning because you don’t care what happens to a bunch of foreigners’ gear, whack yourself with a mallet for me:

DHS officials said the newly disclosed policies — which apply to anyone entering the country, including U.S. citizens — are reasonable and necessary to prevent terrorism. Officials said such procedures have long been in place but were disclosed last month because of public interest in the matter [As in “Where the flaming fuck is my laptop you thieving bastard?” – ed].

***

The policies state that officers may “detain” [DETAIN? -ed.] laptops “for a reasonable period of time” [As long as we want to and if you complain you’re a terrist! -ed.] to “review and analyze information.” [Once we find someone to help us with difficult words like … er … difficult -ed.] This may take place “absent individualized suspicion.”

The policies cover “any device capable of storing information in digital or analog form,” including hard drives, flash drives, cellphones, iPods, pagers, beepers, and video and audio tapes. They also cover “all papers and other written documentation,” including books, pamphlets and “written materials commonly referred to as ‘pocket trash’ or ‘pocket litter.’  [That’s right, as you read this schmucks are poring over bubble gum wrappers and phone numbers scribbled on napkins -ed.]”

If I didn’t know better I’d think this country is being run by people so damn brain dead that they loathe the literate. Hmm…

But anyway, if you’re a scientist and you’re thinking of bringing your cure for cancer to America, don’t bother. The same goes for chemists who have discovered a fuel that is cheap and doesn’t create CO; Writers with the final draft of a novel that will entertain millions; Musicians with recording ditto.

In fact, I’d encourage everyone who is thinking of coming to the states to stay away for a while, even if you’re from the states. We’re going through a very stupid period right now and it’s kind of embarrassing.

Oh, I almost forgot there’s a great sideline in stealing credit card information, social security numbers and making a few long distance calls on your dime:

Reasonable measures must be taken to protect business information and attorney-client privileged material, the policies say, but there is no specific mention of the handling of personal data such as medical and financial records.

And think of the blackmail possibilities!

You just know right now Dick CthCheney is arguing that the right to torture your electronic devices is imperative for the safety of our nation.

Im n ur gear. Lookin @ ur records.

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Filed under "Stay in view please", The War Against Terror, What Constitution?

Oooh, that’s what you’re trying to do

Maybe if you took off those oversized shoes and the big red nose (via The Washington Post):

Soon after accepting the post of CIA director two years ago, Michael V. Hayden set an unusual goal for his scandal-beset agency: virtual invisibility.

“CIA needs to get out of the news as source or subject,” he said in an internal memo to his staff in 2006.

Psst! Hey, Mikey. UR DOING IT WRONG.

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Filed under "Stay in view please", Misguided Self-justification, The War Against Terror

WTFukasey?

Attention Americans who are melanin-enhanced and/or worship Allah. Happy Independence Day!

Psyche (via the AssPress):

The Justice Department is considering letting the FBI investigate Americans without any evidence of wrongdoing, relying instead on a terrorist profile that could single out Muslims, Arabs or other racial and ethnic groups.

So pretty much anyone who isn’t Caucasian (minus those who worship the wrong iteration of God).

Currently, FBI agents need specific reasons — like evidence or allegations that a law probably has been violated — to investigate U.S. citizens and legal residents.

Yeah, like they pay any fucking attention to those guidelines. But you know what? Whatever else you may call requiring a specific reason for domestic snooping, you can call it RESOURCE ALLOCATION. If the Feeb has the man power and the budget to keep tabs on all the people who would qualify for a place on the watch list, I am Jeff Gannon’s favorite bottom.*

Among the factors that could make someone subject of an investigation is travel to regions of the world known for terrorist activity, access to weapons or military training, along with the person’s race or ethnicity.

TM
Nah, he’s clean.

The changes would allow FBI agents to ask open-ended questions about activities of Muslim- or Arab-Americans, or investigate them if their jobs and backgrounds match trends that analysts deem suspect.

So, if your great-grandparents are Syrian, and you go visit your relatives in Syria and you also join the Army, your country will repay your sacrifice by spying on your ass.

If you’re gay they’ll probably take you out back and shoot you.

And you know that problem various intelligence agencies are having? You know, they can’t get enough people who speak languages common to the Middle East? This makes it worse.

And what the flaming pox-infected fuck is a “Muslim-American”? Are there Christian-Americans? I don’t care. Bite me.

Justice spokesman Brian Roehrkasse [Do I need to point out the gagtasticness of calling this dipshit a spokesman for justice? Didn’t think so – ed.] said the guidelines governing when to open a national security investigation are part of a “harmonizing” process that will not give the FBI any more authority than it already has.

Harmonize this you fucking traitor.

I encourage anyone and everyone who falls into one of the suspect categories to fuck with the Feeb’s tiny mind. End your phone calls with a string of gibberish. Dry-wash your hands in public. Start a blog and include the phrase: FUCK THE USAG in every post. And of course, if you should meet anyone who works for the Feeb or the DoJ, be sure to point and laugh.

201 seemingly endless days.

*Karl Rove

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Filed under "Stay in view please", Misguided Self-justification, The War Against Terror, What Constitution?

Problem – They hate us for our freedom

Solution – Get rid of our freedoms! (Via The Washington Post):

The military is using the FBI to skirt legal restrictions on domestic surveillance to obtain private records of Americans’ Internet service providers, financial institutions and telephone companies, the ACLU said Tuesday.

“Newly unredacted documents released today reveal that the Department of Defense is using the FBI to circumvent legal limits on its own NSL power,” said the ACLU, whose lawsuit was filed in Manhattan federal court.

A couple of questions:

1. Dude, what the fuck?

2. If the military gets the Feeb to peek at my Internet records and decides I’m some sort of security risk, who’s going to kick in my door at 04:00?

But that’s not the only thing we’re doing to make sure we have no freedoms so the terrists will stop hating us (Washington Post again):

Intelligence centers run by states across the country have access to personal information about millions of Americans, including unlisted cellphone numbers, insurance claims, driver’s license photographs and credit reports, according to a document obtained by The Washington Post.

One center also has access to top-secret data systems at the CIA [You realize this means the CIA has access to the information at the center, don’t you? Good. – ed], the document shows, though it’s not clear what information those systems contain.

Dozens of the organizations known as fusion centers [As in KABOOM! there go your rights. – ed] were created after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks to identify potential threats and improve the way information is shared. [But don’t worry, they weren’t thrown together overnight or anything. And there’s no chance a bunch of people who have no fucking idea what they’re doing got  contracts because they hate gays, lesbians and Roe v. Wade. – ed] The centers use law enforcement analysts and sophisticated computer systems to compile, or fuse, disparate tips and clues and pass along the refined information to other agencies. [The chances that this information will be wind up on a laptop that is promptly stolen are … Well, it’s all to keep you safe, so don’t complain. – ed]

Next up: bAdmin will take away our phones and computers to keep us out of trouble. They’ll resell them in Cuba where at this rate, they’ll have better civil liberties than we do by the end of the month.

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Filed under "Stay in view please", Military, The War Against Terror, What Constitution?