American Floaters n’ Sinkers

Shorter American Thinker:*

The filthy liberal Norwegians totally deserved Anders Behring Breivik’s Day Out because they’re such filthy liberal Norwegians.

P.S. AlGore – STILL FAT!

Slightly longer American Thinker if you’re hesitant to gather mangoes:

Liberal Norwegians made the beast with two backs with Fat AlGore and spawned someone who gave their liberal Norwegians asses the beating they deserve. And because Norwegians are such liberal frilly girl panties he’ll be back in two decades with an army of skinheads to give them another well deserved beating.

(Note: Still 99% shorter than the linked Skreeeed.)

Meanwhile, Sadly, No! reports Bargain Basement Boudica is quite anxious to distract us from the number of shout outs Anders Can’t Bear Brevity gives her in his manifesto (at least 13).

Plus, he wasn’t really anti-Muslim because he didn’t hunt down and slaughter a bunch of Muslim children!

And if he’s a right winger who hates Muslims, how does that translate into killing a bunch of political youth party Workers’ Youth League. He could easily have found Muslim children to kill if that had been his intention.

Which would have been totes OK with Pam.

Because she’s a sick fuck.

[xp Rumproast]

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Cowboys Stadium pulls hilarious yank the chair away at the last second joke on hundreds of fans

If you’re in Dallas … Hell, if you’re in Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana or New Mexico, GO INSIDE and stay away from the windows. According to The National Bureau of Alarming Statistics there’s a 70% chance of an Cheese Head/Terrible Towel riot [via Y!News]:

Angry fans outside a Cowboys Stadium fence chanted “Let us in,” “Jerry sucks,” and “We want seats” while being denied inside access for Super Bowl XLV on Sunday.

The ticketed fans, estimated between 200-400, were denied entry inside the stadium because temporary seating sections to be installed for the game had not been completed. In the meantime, the NFL has moved the fans to the Party Plaza area – the stadium’s standing room only section.

And Mr. Jones, ya’ll might want to keep your head down for a bit.

N-word rant killed the radio star

Poor Dr. Laura. Another conservative  victim of that damned cause and effect (via MSNBCDEFG):

Dr. Laura Schlessinger says she’s shutting down her 30-year-old syndicated radio program at the end of the year …

Aw. Such a loss to the world of Krazy Konservative Kommentary.

But I’m sure she’s learned an important lessons after squatting over a live mike, flooding the air waves with racist rant-a-thon and then – for some perfectly innocent reason, I’m sure – pulling the recording from her show’s website.

…so she can get her “First Amendment rights” back.

Ha, ha! You didn’t really think she’d learned diddly or squat, did you?

“I want to be able to say what’s on my mind and in my heart and what I think is helpful and useful without somebody getting angry, some special interest group deciding this is the time to silence a voice of dissent and attack affiliates, attack sponsors. I’m sort of done with that.”

I have a suggestion for “Dr.” L: Take some of your money and hire a decent attorney. He’ll explain that the 1st Am. bars the government from throwing you in jail or otherwise being nasty to you for the things you say. He’ll also explain that the invisible hand of the free market will give you the finger if the things you say are too toxic for your sponsors.

And that’s the American Way.

On second thought, fuck you

So I’ve just read what seems like the 10,000th post bewailing (or calling for) the death of Health Care Reform.

Well. No one could be more surprised than me when I thought about it and came to the following conclusion:

Fuck You. Really.

Yesterday (for those of you who missed it) another Teabagger rally took place in D.C.

I’ve lost track of how many times these dumb fucks have answered the call of “people” like Rick Fucking Scott and shambled into the city to scream about soshulist death panels. And you know what? Today I realized it’s irrelevant. Because what I haven’t seen is hordes of people who do want health care reform holding protests.

Nope, despite the fact that millions of people don’t have health insurance and need health insurance, they’re just not that into actually asking for it in a way that lets the people who are drafting the damn bill know what they want. Excuse me for thinking you gave a fuck.

So fuck you. I’ve got insurance, it covers the S.O. I’m good. To those of you who are not so good: If you sat on your ass complaining that you wanted insurance and you don’t get insurance because you couldn’t be bothered to drag your ass out of the house to ask for insurance … kindly go fuck yourself dig a hole and then die. Fuck you. You’re useless. You got punked by a bunch of dipshits who think the Earth is 6,000 years old. You got rolled by a horde of twats who think teh ghey are going to bust down the door and break up their marriage. You got p-w-n-e-d by a gaggle of the dumbest, meanest, fugliest people in the country and it is, at the end of the day, all your fault.

Fuck you.

I mean, look at you. You let Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin and the numbnuts who think they represent leadership take the best chance you  had to get health insurance for the next few decades.

I laugh at the ginormous health bills you may rack up in the future. Fuck you.

Really, I’m done with this shit. Shut the fuck up and fuck you.

Stereotypes are such ugly things

So I’m ashamed of my reaction to this story about the Cowboys’ new stadium [via Yahoo!]:

Spending $1.2 billion on a football stadium can get you a lot, but not apparently a good sense of how high to hang 2,100 inch video screens above the field.

At the debut of the new Dallas Cowboys’ stadium last night, Tennessee Titans punter A.J. Trapasso kicked a ball that struck one of the gargantuan high-definition scoreboards that hang over the center of the field.

Whups, guess they forgot that people might actually play football in there. OK, that was the funny part, here’s what I’m ashamed of:

Jerry Jones wasn’t happy with the kick, not so much because he felt that somebody on his engineering team screwed up by placing the video boards too low, but because he seems to think that Trapasso was trying to hit the board on purpose.

My first thought: This dipshit must be a Republican.

Shocking, I know. A dude starts whining like a cat with its dick stuck in a wringer when confronted by the fact that he’s in the midst of some serious and expensive F.A.I.L. and I automatically assume he’s a Republican. Tsk. Tsk.

Really, the fact that my immediate reaction to this dumb putz was absolutely correct is no excuse for such behavior. To make up for my lapse I promise not to laugh uproariously when a kick by David “Ferris” Buehler bounces off the corner and beans Jerbil on the noggin.

Will Work 4 Food – Part SECx

Worked long, long, hours and finally left when I realized my nose was about five inches from the monitor.

So you’ll have to make up your own Post-BAdmin job for SEC Spokesmodel Chairman Christopher Cox. Here’s some inspiration:

During his tenure at the SEC, Chairman Cox has made vigorous enforcement of the securities laws the agency’s top priority, bringing ground breaking cases against a variety of market abuses including hedge fund insider trading, stock options backdating, fraud aimed at senior citizens, municipal securities fraud, and securities scams on the Internet.

Cox, sucker*

One. Week.

*Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Who let these kangaroos in here?

Once upon a time, only a dirty fucking hippy would say something like this (via The Washington Post):

The Defense Department’s former chief prosecutor for terrorism cases appeared Monday at the controversial U.S. detention facility here to argue on behalf of a terrorism suspect that the military justice system has been corrupted by politics and inappropriate influence from senior Pentagon officials.

Sitting just feet from the courtroom table where he had once planned to make cases against military detainees, Air Force Col. Morris Davis instead took the witness stand to declare under oath that he felt undue pressure to hurry cases along so that the Bush administration could claim before political elections that the system was working.

The usual reaction to statements to officials who suddenly develop vertebra falls into two categories:

1. Why didn’t you say something earlier, jackass?

2. ZOMG HE’S A STEALTH TERRISTS!!!

(I suppose there is a third category of people who smack their foreheads and gasp “Mah Gad! I had no idea!” but fuck ’em for not paying attention.)

So, we can disregard the latter response in the same way we disregard the rantings of the unwashed guy screaming about the chickens in his pants. I used tend towards the former response but today I started wondering about all of the cretins who either don’t develop spines or think violating the Constitution and torturing some poor bastard is just fine and dandy. The creeps who don’t currently have the rank to merit any attention, the slimeballs who are hiding under the Majikal Cloak of National Security so you don’t know who the hell they are. Those are the shits we need to worry about because unless they are hunted down and branded with a big old T for traitor, they’ll be back.

In the meantime I suggest Col. Davis (ret.) keep an eye on his pension.