Category Archives: Research

Who’s sorry now?

Flame On!

Shorter ABC: You mean the man is a repulsive liar all of the time? Goodness, I thought he just did it to grind the faces of the little people! [via whatshot?]:

“Mr. Breitbart exaggerated the role he would play on his blog,” ABC News spokesman Jeffrey Schneider told The Upshot on Monday. “We immediately made it clear that was never the role he was supposed to play. He had been invited to be part of our digital town hall, and that is still the role.”

Lightfart is of course being his usual self (Lying? Check. Crying? Check.) and standing up for his right to appear on the TeeVee:

[Breitbart] wrote that the network is “not standing up for free speech and the 1st Amendment.”

Yes! In the original U.S. Constitution, the government could force private companies to give True Patriots several hours of air time, but liberals stole that part. Fortunately, Andy has discovered the one true original copy of the Bill of Rights, which he’ll share with us all … once he finishes that course on forging old documents. (It’s a lot harder than splicing tapes.)

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Filed under ReaLAMErican Hero, Research, Tantrums

Are you a Real Progressive? Take this quiz to find out

The United States of America in the year 2010: The gutters of our nation’s most elitist cities run with latte-tainted urine as the progressive v. progressive pissing contest drags on. But thanks to a team of highly trained socio-political experts* the unpleasantness ends today.

Over the past six months† a crack team of sociology and political science professors from America’s tallest ivory towers, together with two former presidents and three retired Supreme Court justices‡ designed this simple 7-question test that will finally separate the true progressives from the backstabbing corporafascist bigoted neo-con pigs in tie-dye clothing. You must not have anything better to do right now or you wouldn’t be here, so pick up your Number 2 pencil and begin:

1. How do you feel when you think of the upcoming elections?

a) What? Didn’t we just do this?

b) A little nervous.

c) Really excited! I can’t wait to see the look on Obama’s face when Republicans take over and impeach him!

2. Look at this picture for exactly 15 seconds. You are filled with the urge to:

a) Spank the monkey in a carefree and defiant manner.

b) Shake my head sadly over the state of U.S. politics.

c) Once again ask why, oh why, the Democrats have failed to create an unorthodox, headline grabbing candidate who can recite talking points and other party propaganda.

3. Do you know what the term “Hippie Punching” means?

a) LOL. Is that like donkey punching?

b) [Sigh] Yes.

c) Clearly you have yet to read my 32,758 word, 5-part essay: The Punchocaust – The Life and Very, Very, Very Hard Times of a True Progressive among the Obots. Guess you’ve got better things to do while the world goes to shit, huh?

4. What role should progressive blogs play in politics?

a) [Fart]

b) They make a good place for people of similar political beliefs to quickly share information and ideas.

c) Look, I’m a plain spoken person and I have to say: What an incredibly stupid question. Progressive blogs, especially my blog, control the debate and the votes. If I’m not happy, a lot of DINO politicians are going to be unemployed. And I’m never, ever, happy.

5. If Republicans take the House and/or the Senate in the upcoming election, it will prove:

a) What day do we vote again?

b) Democratic leadership failed to adequately inform and energize voters.

c) I was right! I was right! In your FACE! I warned everyone but they didn’t listen. Now they’ll be sorry, they’ll ALL BE SORRY!

6. Have you ever directly contacted an elected official to share a concern, express an opinion, note your support/opposition to a bill, etc.?

a) No.

b) Yes.

c) Why the hell should I do that? I have a blog. They should read it every day if they want to know my opinion so badly. And keep their jobs.

7. In your opinion, the highest form of literature is:

a) Dirty limericks.

b) Well-crafted prose.

c) A ransom note.

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Filed under A break from the fail, Research, Tantrums

[Bangs head on desk]

How to bollix the search for the cure, Step 1 (via The Washington Post):

The two-decade search for an AIDS vaccine is in crisis after two field tests of the most promising contender not only did not protect people from the virus but may actually have put them at increased risk of becoming infected.

There is no Step 2. With Step 1 you’ve already nutted yourself on biggest hurdle to testing vaccines on humans: Fear of catching cooties.

Many researchers are questioning the scientific premises on which all those studies were based and are wondering, along with AIDS activists, what effect this near-worst-case scenario might have on tests of future vaccines.

Bad, but not totally 100% fucked. Once you’ve found a vaccine you want to test on people you’ll have to spend a lot of time and money getting a pool of subjects. And for the love of God make sure everyone working the trial is friendly, personable and patient. If you’re ready for human trials anytime in the next decade the subjects are likely to ask a lot of questions.

The working hypothesis for what went wrong is that the vaccine somehow primed the immune system to be more susceptible to HIV infection — a scenario neither foreseen nor suggested by previous studies.

By now enough people with short attention spans and poor reading comprehension skills will have seen this story. Worse, they will have gotten some sound bite rehash from an airhead on the evening news. The rumors will already be running wild. We may even see a reprisal of [gag] The Government Created AIDS to Kill Black People and the Talevan might stop banging barnyard animals to bleat about God’s Wrath [puke]. But believe me, somewhere on the planet someone is sitting in a bar telling anyone who’ll listen that his best friend’s ex-boyfriend was in that test and he turned into a giant zit and popped and other people will believe him and when there is another vaccine, they’ll tell all of their friends about the guy who turned green, sprouted horns and popped like a giant zit.

But at least response from the medical community has been reassuringly calm:

“This is on the same level of catastrophe as the Challenger disaster” that destroyed a NASA space shuttle, said Robert Gallo, co-discoverer of the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), which causes AIDS, and head of the Institute for Human Virology in Baltimore.

Shit.

Well, I can understand why he’s pissed. What’s going on at Harvard?

“None of the products currently in the pipeline has any reasonable chance of being effective in field trials,” Ronald C. Desrosiers, a molecular geneticist at Harvard University, declared last month at an AIDS conference in Boston. “We simply do not know at the present time how to design a vaccine that will be effective against HIV.”

Fuck.

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Filed under Health, Research