Shorter nut picked at the Gates of Vienna Wieners [h/t Bob Stanley]:
No one could have possibly foreseen that Al Qaida would build a neo-con wet dream in their secret lab and unleash him on Norway!
And yeah, I know. Nutpicking is a big no-no. I say when you can’t tell the nuts from the er … tree it’s all fair game. And fuck it, these people are reprehensible.
The only thing better than a cobra on Les Twits is a group of Democrats avec Le Snark:
The impetus for this moment of perfection [via TPM]:
At a town hall meeting in Polk County, Wisconsin earlier this year, Rep. Sean Duffy (R-WhIny) was asked whether he’d vote to cut his $174,000 annual salary. Duffy sort of hedged, and went on to talk about how $174,000 really isn’t that much for his family of seven to live on.
“I can guarantee you, or most of you, I guarantee that I have more debt than all of you. With 6 kids, I still pay off my student loans. I still pay my mortgage. I drive a used minivan. If you think I’m living high on the hog, I’ve got one paycheck. So I struggle to meet my bills right now. Would it be easier for me if I get more paychecks? Maybe, but at this point I’m not living high on the hog.”
Part of Duffy’s measly little paycheck goes to pay for a 2-bedroom vacation house. Because, you know, a second house is absolutely essential to Life, Liberty and the Purfuit of Juftice.
Also via TPM, WiGOP tried to pull the video because … um …
his speech was a special secret just for people who were at the meeting they’re a bunch of hellbound pieces of shit.
ReaLAMErican Mike pHuckabee knows what’s best for America. And what’s best for America involves members of the Jesus Jihad forcing you to listen to some other lying hack [via Alternet]:
“I almost wish that there would be, like, a simultaneous telecast, and all Americans would be forced–forced at gunpoint no less–to listen to every David Barton message, and I think our country would be better for it. I wish it’d happen.”
David Barton is the leading promoter of a brand of falsified American history altered to support the claim that America was founded as a Christian, rather than a secular, nation.
Why the hell does anyone worry about foreign religious extremists? Our domestic brand is festering quite nicely.
Video courtesy of People for the American Way’s Kyle Mantyla, who captured the footage before those remarks were cut from the recording.
May he have the pleasure of hearing pHuckabee snarl “I would have gotten away with it; if it weren’t for that meddling kid!”
Apparently a staff sergeant didn’t get the memo about Christian “Rock.” The only time it should be used by the military is to flush the enemy out of hiding [via AssPress]:
A staff sergeant erred when he banished dozens of soldiers to their barracks and ordered them to clean up after they refused to attend a Christian concert on a Virginia Army base last year, an investigation concluded.
Two soldiers who were punished told the AP they felt pressured to attend a performance by the Christian rock group BarlowGirl, as part of what was billed as the “Commanding General’s Spiritual Fitness Concerts.”
The soldiers said the staff sergeant told 200 men in their barracks they could either attend or remain confined there. They were told to not use their cell phones or personal computers and to clean up their living area.
The company commander apologized the next day. However, the investigation found the sergeant acted without any “malicious intent.”
Oh no, he just wanted them to drive them insane with crap music and violate their religious freedoms.
Glenn Beck is on the TV, eating chalk, dry-humping his blackboard and flapping his face hole about the Holocaust.
The rabbis say to the bartender: “Could you to turn that crap down? It’s hard to enjoy a drink with the Human Bubo taking a dump all over history.”
Joel Cheatwood and Roger Ailes stop molesting rats behind the bar and scream “It’s a liberal Jewish plot by liberal über-Jew George Soros!”
From now on the League of Cool will determine how you spell your name [via WaPo]:
Before becoming the 26th President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt led the First U.S. Volunteer Cavalry, dubbed the “Rough Riders.” The District high school bearing Roosevelt’s name took that on as a name for its athletic teams.
When the school ordered new basketball uniforms prior to this season, Athletic Director Daryl Tilghman was surprised to see “Ryders” across the front of the jerseys. Tilghman called the vendor to complain … and was told “Ryders” was the “cool” way to spell it.
This comment on the story sums it up best:
Be careful Kolts, Crimsun Tyde, Injuns, Ramblurrs and Knyghts you’re just one typo away.
Please send your condolences to the real intended victims [h/t Balloon Juice]:
The Spokane office of the FBI confirmed late Tuesday morning that a suspicious package found along the route of the Unity Parade on Monday morning was a credible threat that had the potential to cause “multiple casualties.”
The backpack, a black Swiss Army pack, was found by a city employee [who deserves a medal -ed.] Monday morning at approximately 9:30 a.m. in a parking lot across from the INB Performing Arts Center. After it was reported, authorities shut down several blocks in the vicinity of the intersection of Main Avenue and Washington Street.
FBI special agent Frank Harrill said the investigation into the device has become a top priority, adding that the timing and placement of the device wasn’t coincidental.
As much as I’d like to think the usual rejects will take the opportunity to quietly sip their frothy tankards of StFu, I don’t hold out much hope.
I’m sure we’ll soon hear this is all the fault of the liberals and the lamestream media who want to DESTROY REALAMERICA and anyway the bomb couldn’t have done that much harm and the FBI made it up and holding parades in honor of someone who died trying to bring racial equality to America is racist and now Obama will use this as an excuse to take our guns and freedoms so let’s ramp up the paranoia to about … eleventy zillion.
Me, I just hope they catch the bastard before he tries something else. The FBI is offering $20 large for information.
[Update] This evening in Seattle police detonated a suspicious package in Counterbalance Park.