Category Archives: GOP

It’s the TeaPublican version of Uther Pendragon & Ygraine!

A blogger pretends to be David Koch and gets a prolonged BJ from Scott Hosini Walker.

Click through to listen to the recording. Multiple h/ts to YAFB for sharing this for the greater glory of … Well, everything, really.

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Filed under GOP, Greed, Republicans and other Perverts

GOPurity Test spits out a false positive, McConnell swallows

Imagine the Republicans’ surprise. There they were, happily chowing down on Senatorfold Brown’s* mantastic meat, when they notice he’s got a tattoo around his navel. Squinting closely they make out the words “I’m pro-choice and I vote.”

If you’re thinking the next scene features hysterical sobbing, a shower running full blast and vigorous scrubbing … You still don’t realize how loath the Repugs are to give up their latest shiny new toy [via True/Slant]:

“He’s gonna be an independent voice for Massachusetts. We expect that. Republicans from the northeast are not exactly like Republicans from the south or the west, we understand that. We have a big tent party. And we’re thrilled to have him.” – Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KYJelly)

Don’t talk with your mouth full senator.

In addition to the guffaw-worthiness of Mitch’s attempt to pretend his party is in full control of anything but the worst the South has to offer and a few freaks who are just as obnoxious, right about the time Brown was telling Barbara Walters that he HATES BABIES, a lot of the cool kids in the GOP were in the far foreign land of “Hawaii,” deciding which kids they’d let into the club house [via The Minneapolis Star-Tribune]:

The new rule will not prevent support for moderate Republican candidates but will bar funding for those judged to be too far to the left, [Bill Crocker – Texas RNC] said.

“No more Scozzafavas, please. No more Specters, please. No more Chafees, please.”

Looks like that thar purity test needs a little more calibration, Hoss.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to enjoy watching the teabagging twerps as they try to spin this and then give up and start screaming they was had.

[xp Rumproast]

*Huge h/t – Allan.

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Filed under Circular firing squad, GOP, Republicans and other Perverts

Well, I did ask

I’ve been wondering how the GOP would next attempt to woo African-American voters.

Now I know.

Look, it's our new black friend!

Look, it's our new black friend!

Here’s hoping they never figure out that we really aren’t that fucking dumb.

More about the GOP’s adventures on the Internons at my home-from-home, Rumproast.

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Filed under Adventures in the Intertubes, GOP, Republicans and other Perverts

Not at all a well party

I don’t know why I keep looking for signs that the GOP has passed over the event horizon of idiocy. Just when you think they’ve reached the heart of the blackhole of stupid they find a worm hole into another dimension of dumb where there’s an even bigger blackhole of idiocy. The GOP in my home state provides Exhibit Eleventy Million (via the Washington Post):

The Maryland Republican Party has climbed aboard an effort to petition to referendum the state’s recently passed speed camera legislation.

Um … I thought you were the party of law and order. Or at least, law and order for thee, but not for me, even if I’ve been getting a little too friendly in a lavatory. Of course, I suppose this could this be some sudden concern for the Constitutionally protected rights of Crab State citizens. Bwahahaha! I’m just messing with you.

“This is another tax being placed on the citizens of Maryland,” said party Chairman Jim Pelura.

OK. Say what you like about speed cameras, or any other form of law enforcement that usually results in a fine (rather than jail time). It is not a tax, no matter how much you scream. No. Really. Shut up and take your meds.

Wow.

(Xposted at Rumproast. Also.)

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Filed under GOP, Local Fail, Mental Health

fReichtards say the darndest things

I know why it’s  been impossible for me to blog of late. I don’t know where the hell to begin.

To be sure, I’m not surprised the fReichtards struggled into two wetsuits and dove to new depths of ape-shittery when Obama was elected, but I’m starting to wonder if they all have minders whose sole job is to make sure they don’t go outside with their dookie smeared knickers (well knotted, natch) on their heads.

We have creatures like CounterIntelligence Chief Michelle Malkin declaring that it is too appropriate to compare Obama to Hitler because the lefties did it to Bush and … socialism and … uh … death to porkulus and Graeme Frost!!!

The Washington Times has thrown all restraint to the winds. In the past couple of days it has run front page above the fold stories about a) Obama’s terribly suspicious use of American flags during  his appearances. I take it a PotUS who appears with flags around his podium MUST BE USING THEM TO HIDE ISLAMIC KENYAN INDONESIAN HAWAIIAN TERRISTS! and b) The following 36 pt headline: Holder Calls America a Nation of Cowards.

He was actually referring to everyone’s refusal to discuss race issues. I imagine he’s still laughing because in response to his comments, everyone shat their pants, took off their pants, grabbed a passing stranger’s pants and shat those pants.

Apparently the first black A.G. discussing race relations during Black History Month is simply too radical.

Sigh.

Oh, and if I didn’t know he was a fucking clown, I’d suspect Michael “Democrat on Election Day” Steele is secretly planning to wreck the GOP, either by driving away Das Base or pissing off everyone so badly they drive the GOP out of the country. But there is no secret plan. He’s just another Republican asshole.

Le double sigh.

So I think, why bother? Actually, I laugh really hard and then I think, why bother? But this morning I came across this little gem and felt it needed to be preserved, like a tick in amber (via the Washington Post):

See, in my world, stars don’t come any bigger than Newt Gingrich, Karl Rove, Mitt Romney and Mike Pence (if there were a congressional version of Teen Beat, the Indiana congressman would be on its cover every month*). Michael Steele, Mike Huckabee and John Boehner are the Jonas Brothers of conservative celebrity. And all of them will be at CPAC 2009.

If I were a nice person, the above paragraph alone would have me weeping tears of sympathy for these poor deluded fucks. But I’m not nice and if you’re not nice and you need a laugh, I recommend reading the entire opinion piece by Ms. Sippy Cupp.

Even though I suspect she is that rare thing: A fRightie with a tiny but still semi-functional humor gland, she perfectly captures the current spirit of the GOP. “Hey, we’re really cool and hip and bitchin’ and groovy. Maybe we’re not cool to those degenerate lefties and moderates and most Americans, but huh! Who cares? We don’t need them!”

In other words, every sentence is a futile attempt to shout above the sound of water rushing into the hold and that’s a beautiful thing.

*Note to Republicans: Please don’t mention teen heart throbs and your members of Congress in the same paragraph. Ever. Also, Mike Pence is a solid 6.5, in a good light. You’re welcome.

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Filed under Fail Watch, GOP, Misguided Self-justification, Republicans and other Perverts

Commence Operation Disenfranchise the Darkies & the Proles

I can’t decide if John Boehner is a festering stinking asshole or a festering, putrid stinking asshole on a dead skunk. See what you think (via the AssPress):

House Republican leader John Boehner on Wednesday urged President Bush to block all federal funds to a grass-roots community group that has been accused of voter registration fraud.

“It is evident that ACORN is incapable of using federal funds in a manner that is consistent with the law,” Boehner, R-Ohio, wrote Bush, saying that funds should be blocked until all federal investigations into the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now are completed.

I’m sure he was equally concerned when federal fund recipient Blackwater started using the citizens of Iraq for target practice. But wait, it gets better:

Boehner said he and other Republicans were also asking the Justice Departmentto investigate ACORN’s connections to the home mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, saying ACORN “appears to have played a key role in the irresponsible schemes that led to the current financial meltdown.”

Why stop there Johnny? You could have accused them of engineering the 9/11 attacks to the increase in diabetes.

Shitheel.

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Filed under Election 2008, Fail Watch, GOP, Misguided Self-justification

Chopping Bloch

Fans of homophobia, incompetence and computer hijinks will be saddened to learn that Scott Bloch has decided he won’t stick around until the next president kicks him out (via The Washington Post):

The nation’s top protector of whistle-blowers, who himself is being investigated for allegedly retaliating against employees, said Monday he will resign at the end of his term in January instead of staying on until a replacement can take over.

Bloch has been on the hot seat since he took office in 2004, in part for closing hundreds of whistle-blower cases allegedly without investigating them.

Let’s hope a bunch of those other fuckers take the hint.

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Filed under Fail Watch, GOP, We're from the government