Category Archives: Environment

Commence Operation Smoke Screen

To quote the great Kinky Friedman, the EPA’s looking a little nervous in the service (via the AssPress):

The Environmental Protection Agency is telling its pollution enforcement officials not to talk with congressional investigators, reporters and even the agency’s own inspector general, according to an internal e-mail provided to The Associated Press [emphasis mine – ed.].

Oookaaay. This is exactly like your boss telling you not to talk to the cops when your company is under investigation. Go ahead. Try it. “My boss told me not to talk to you,” will make the cops laugh merrily. And then they will throw your ass in jail.

Of course, like your boss (should he ever feel the need to tell you not to talk to the cops), the EPA seems to be a mite confused:

“There is nothing … that restricts conversation between enforcement staff, the press, GAO and the IG, and the procedure is consistent with existing agency policies,” the statement said. “No one has to get permission or approval to speak with the IG or GAO [emphasis mine, again – ed.].”

As per bAdmin SOP, the preceding paragraph contains a contradiction and a lie:

In a statement issued Monday, the Office of Inspector General said it did not approve of the language in the e-mail and was engaged in discussions with enforcement officials to ensure the electronic dispatch would not hinder its access to information.

Gee, maybe if they spent more time protecting the environment they wouldn’t have to worry about … Nah!

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Filed under Environment, Fail Watch, Government Accountability Office, Misguided Self-justification

Today’s fail is brought to you by the letters E.P.A.

BushCo must be feeling the pressure to oblige as many FoCs as possible before it gets run out of town on a rail. (I’ve got my vat of hot tar, do you?) Thus, this “environmentally friendly” move by the E.P.A. (via The Washington Post):

The Bush administration is on the verge of implementing new air quality rules that will make it easier to build power plants near national parks and wilderness areas, according to rank-and-file agency scientists and park managers who oppose the plan.

The new regulations, which are likely to be finalized this summer, rewrite a provision of the Clean Air Act that applies to “Class 1 areas,” federal lands that currently have the highest level of protection under the law. Opponents predict the changes will worsen visibility at many of the nation’s most prized tourist destinations, including Virginia’s Shenandoah, Colorado’s Mesa Verde and North Dakota’s Theodore Roosevelt national parks.

Yep. Because when people go hiking in the wilderness and look out over a stunning vista they think “Eww! I can see for miles. Can’t we get some smog in here?”

Jesus Christ in a bumper car. Who is behind this travesty?

Jeffrey R. Holmstead, who now heads the environmental strategies group at the law firm Bracewelll & Giuliani [Yes, that Giuliani – ed.], helped initiate the rule change while heading the EPA’s air and radiation office. He said agency officials became concerned that the EPA’s scientific staff was taking “the most conservative approach” in predicting how much pollution new power plants would produce.

Oh noes! Not the conservative approach, anything but the conservative approach! Conservatives hate the conservative approach. When it affects their ability to spend liberally.

What’s this? Dissent among the ranks?

A slew of National Park Service and EPA officials have challenged the rule change, arguing that it will worsen visibility in already-impaired areas, according to internal documents obtained by the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform.


One final thing. Good luck finding out anything about this dude:

When the committee chairman, Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-Calif.), asked the EPA whether the rule would facilitate construction of more power plants near protected areas, Robert J. Meyers, principal deputy assistant administrator for the EPA’s Office of Air and Radiation, replied in an April 24 letter that this was not the intention of the rule but that he could not rule it out.

I’m not sure, because the man seems to have spontaneously appeared at the EPA, but I think he once owned a company that studied oil spills. Which would make his un-remarked appearance at OAR less than logical. Under any reign but the Chimperor’s.

Clean air? Waaay over rated.

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Filed under Environment, Fail Watch, Greed

Sad little monkey scrabbles for a legacy

Maybe ifn I say sumthin’ ’bout th’ invyeromint folks’ll realize I’m a swell hombre (via The Washington Post, all emphases mine):

President Bush yesterday called for a national goal of halting the growth of U.S. greenhouse gas emissions by 2025, mostly by curbing power plant pollution.

Heh. That ways ifn anyone does anythin’ in the next, see … 2008 from 2025 … ten years, I kin say it was me whut did it. Whups, better reassure my base that I ain’t fergot ’bout them:

Bush’s proposal — which would rely on technological innovation for success [Translation: Dollarrific contracts with no clear time lines or definition of success. Hey, it worked in Iraq! – ed.] — was the administration’s most definite public statement yet on global warming. Coming at a time when lawmakers and climate negotiators are focused on fashioning a binding climate accord under the next administration, however, it remained uncertain how much the president’s initiative could influence the shape of legislation and impending treaty talks in the months to come.

We all know Commander Codpiece’s last minute gibberings about the environment will have less influence on legislation than I have on the gravitational pull of the big rock formerly known as the planet Pluto. But that won’t stop some lick spittle whore of a biographer from claiming that 1. Thanks to King God President Bush, only half of Shenandoah National Park spontaneously combusted in 2020. 2. If only people had listened to King God President Bush, none of SNP would have spontaneously combusted in 2020.

I just realized that for the rest of my life, I will want to beat the shit of anyone who thinks this doucheswill of a bastard was a decent president. Note to self: Fill walking cane with lead.

But enough about my impending codgerdom. Does Bush’s goal come close to reality as defined by people with fully functional brains?

Scientists of the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change concluded last year that global greenhouse gas emissions must begin to drop by 2015 in order to avert drastic climate change, a timetable that would compel developed nations to turn that corner even earlier, given the rapidly rising emission rates of developing nations such as China and India.

No surprises there. Or here:

Several Democratic lawmakers mocked Bush’s announcement, saying they expect the next president to sign a climate bill into law. The Senate is planning to vote on legislation in June that seeks to halt the growth of greenhouse gas emissions in 2012, 13 years before Bush’s deadline, and all three presidential candidates are expected to back that timetable.

You may continue your journey to history’s recycle bin Mr. President.

The forces of Tulipistan monitor their traditional enemy. And wait. And plan.

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Filed under 'Sponsitility, Environment, Fail Watch