Category Archives: Economy

I founded ur rich people

And I ated them [via 24/7 Wall Street]:

The number of millionaire households in the world dropped from 11 million in 2007 to 9 million last year, a fall of almost 18%, according to The Boston Consulting Group. The figure was worse in North America where the drop was 22%.

There have been a number of articles of late in which the writer wrings his hands and bewails the fate of the rich people.

Here’s my thing and with no disrespect meant to people who happen to be in an different income bracket just because it’s different. If you were a millionaire in, say, 2007, and you are no longer a millionaire now, there’s still a hell of a lot of air between “I’m no longer a millionaire,” and “Holy God, how am I going to eat today?”

There are three things I can think of that would cause a millionaire to become an ex-millionaire, only one of which might cause anyone to give much of a flaming fuck:

1. You lost a dollar and now you’re only a 999,999aire, but you’ll be all right as soon as you check between the sofa cushions. Get outta here.

2. You were incredibly fucking stupid with your money because it never occurred to you the party would ever end. Die in a fire.

3. Some bastard like Bernie Madoff scammed the hell out of you. If you lost all of your money because you really didn’t know any better, I feel bad for you. But in many cases you belong in category 2. Piss off.

I excluded legal defense fees for criminal/civil cases because really, fuck the robber barons.

A secondary problem with these articles crops up when the writer (sensing that his audience might be thinking they could save a little money if they used the article as toilet paper) attempts to make the audience care by tying their fate to that of the millionaire:

The rich seem to have joined the middle class on the metaphorical bread line [except as a broad statement applied to millionaires or even people defined as rich this is total bullshit -ed.], which is not good news for developed economies that are counting on consumer spending to help drive GDP growth rebounds.

Wait. First we had to keep various mismanaged corporations afloat because they produced jobs. Now we have to worry about sundry Trustafarians* because they buy shit?

I have a tiny violin going cheap.

Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Economy, Tantrums, WW4F

Will Work for Food – Part the 3rd

The year was 1612 when Mr. & Mrs. Vlad Dracul gave birth to a bouncing baby vampire. But it soon became evident that he wasn’t like other vampires, because he didn’t like blood. Oh dear me no. He liked to stick his fangs into big piles of money and suck until it was drained of all value.

When he was a young vampire he went to new country called the United States of American and waited until a complete dumbfuck was running the country. All it took was a few seconds of his hypnotic glare and the dumbfuck put him in charge of the U.S. Department of Treasury where he gorged himself until the U.S. dollar was worth less than a bottle cap.

Do I really need to say anything else about this guy? Do I really need to explain why we should all breathe a deep sigh of relief when he’s given the boot? And then we should go check the Treasury to see if he missed a few coins that rolled into the corner.

Even this administration has enough sense to be a little shamed by his past (from his U.S. Department of Treasury bio):

Prior to joining Goldman Sachs, Paulson was a member of the White House Domestic Council, serving as Staff Assistant to the President from 1972 to 1973, and as Staff Assistant to the Assistant Secretary of Defense at the Pentagon from 1970 to 1972.

Gee. Who was in office during that period?

I just hope Obama brings some garlic when it is time to cast him out.

1 Comment

Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Greed, WW4F

Back in the USSA

New Rule #1: If a Rethuglican starts mouthing off about the perils of socialized medicine, you have to grab a roll of quarters and punch him right in the nads (via The Washington Post):

In remarks to the media just concluded, Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson said the federal government will use the authority it has been granted by the $700 billion Wall Street bailout/rescue law to buy actual stakes in U.S. banks, in addition to merely buying troubled assets off their books.

New Rule #2: When you go to the bank you must walk this way

Serious advice: Получите ваши деньги в малый, местный банк КАК МОЖНО СКОРЕЕ.

Comments Off on Back in the USSA

Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Greed

Our Economy in Pictures – Part the First


To be continued! Here though is a thrilling preview also of our next installment:

Comments Off on Our Economy in Pictures – Part the First

Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Greed, We're from the government

All right, now they’re just messin’ with us

Because a global finacial crisis is not the time to abandon your long held policy of protecting and nurturing cronies (via the AssPress):

The official said Monday that Neel Kashkari, Treasury’s assistant secretary for international affairs, will soon be announced as the interim head of Treasury’s new Office of Financial Stability. The official asked not to be identified by name because the selection has not been announced publicly.

The 35-year-old Kashkari is a former Goldman Sachs Inc. banker, [not quite, see his bio below – ed.] the investment giant once headed by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson.

New members of Mr. Kashkari’s staff will include Gerald Smaschngrab, Dewey Cheathamnhowe and Heywood Jablome.

Here’s his bio via the U.S.D.T. as of 13.53 EST:

Neel Kashkari
Assistant Secretary for International Economics and Development

Neel Kashkari was sworn in as Assistant Secretary of the Treasury for International Economics and Development on July 9, 2008. He was nominated by President Bush on November 15, 2007 and confirmed by the Senate on June 27, 2008. In this role, Mr. Kashkari is responsible for developing and executing policies for the Department to foster a more conducive investment climate for the U.S., as well as to support global economic growth.

Mr. Kashkari joined the Treasury Department in July 2006 as Senior Advisor to U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, Jr. In that role, he was responsible for developing the President’s Twenty in Ten energy security plan, enhancing Treasury’s engagement with India, particularly in the area of infrastructure development, and developing and executing the Department’s response to the housing crisis, including the formation of the HOPE NOW Alliance, the development of the subprime fast-track loan modification plan, and Treasury’s initiative to kick-start a covered bond market in the United States.

Prior to joining the Treasury Department, Mr. Kashkari was a Vice President at Goldman, Sachs & Co. in San Francisco, where he led Goldman’s IT Security Investment Banking practice, advising public and private companies on mergers and acquisitions and financial transactions. Prior to his career in finance, Mr. Kashkari was a R&D Principal Investigator at TRW in Redondo Beach, California where he developed technology for NASA space science missions such as the James Webb Space Telescope.

Originally from Stow, Ohio, Mr. Kashkari graduated from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign with a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree in Engineering. He also received an M.B.A. in Finance from the Wharton School. Mr. Kashkari and his wife reside in Maryland.

1 Comment

Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Greed