Category Archives: Circular firing squad

Love will tear us apart, again

Barbara Bush on the possibility Sarah Palin might run for president*:

“I sat next to her once. Thought she was beautiful. And she’s very happy in Alaska, and I hope she’ll stay there.”

Dan Reheil on Barbara Bush on the possibility Sarah Palin might run for president†:

Barbara Bush Should Shut-Up [sic]

This annoys the hell out of me, because I’m not some rabid Palinista. Crap like this from Barbara Bush leaves one no alternative but to respond to it. What, does she have another son, or a grand kid lined up for the job of President? Reagan handed your husband his, despite some misgivings, and he blew it, Barbara.

Apparently I’m the only person who doesn’t see this as a stinging refutiation of Palin. However, I am a mere DFHH. Carnivorous Conservative Dan is quite irate. And based on his post and the comments that follow, this is further proof GOP hasn’t placed a realRepublican in the White House since 1984. Who am I to argue?

*Dear media types: Asking people about Palin running for president is like asking people what they would do in the event of a manticore invasion. Knock it off.

†Yes, it links to his blog.

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Filed under Circular firing squad, Republicans and other Perverts

Letter from a Birmingham Tanning Salon

Background: On July 18, 2010, The Teabaggers kicked Mark Williams out of the kool kids klub for being a racist.* Disappointed that they refused to join his crusade against the NAACP, the only racist organization in ReaLAMErica, Williams spent some time in a Birmingham tanning salon.

Here is an excerpt of the letter he penned while waiting for a bed to become available:

My disappointment was a grandstanding statement on national television about expelling an individual (me) and my 34 other staff and performers from a grassroots movement that does nothing more than support the Constitution of theses United States because of the Constitutionally guaranteed exercise of the Creator’s endowed freedom to thought and expression is at least as damaging as the rest of the rhetoric that Morial, Sharpton, Dorelli and Shelton hammered such a delicate end.

I am afraid that David Webb of the National Tea Party Federation not only misunderstands why the Federation was formed in the first place and with a few ill-advised words aimed at the tea party itself has endangered the peace and potential fro progress that we saw unfold on national television last night.

Continue reading

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Filed under Circular firing squad, ReaLAMErican Hero, Tantrums

PPACin heat

French Pistol

Why you ask? Because while the rest of you are swapping recipes for hemlattes and cyanide souffles and amanitatinis and wondering what to wear to your first Death Panel party (black is classic but a tad cliché), some of us have to read this big boy.

As a result, some of us are wondering WTF is wrong with this country [PPACA p. 2037 – 2040]:

‘‘(c) PROTECTION OF SECOND AMENDMENT GUN RIGHTS.—

‘‘(1) WELLNESS AND PREVENTION PROGRAMS.—A wellness and health promotion activity implemented under subsection (a)(1)(D) may not require the disclosure or collection of any information relating to—
‘‘(A) the presence or storage of a lawfully possessed firearm or ammunition in the residence or on the property of an individual; or
‘‘(B) the lawful use, possession, or storage of a firearm or ammunition by an individual.

Yes, for reasons I’ve not bothered to research (although I could make an edumacated guess), approximately three pages of  PPACA are devoted to reassuring ReaLAMEricans that under no circumstances will any Health Nazis try to count, fondle, fold, spindle or mutilate a man’s precious private guns.

I’ve yet to find the pages devoted to assuring ReaLAMEricans that Health Nazis won’t make them gay marry box turtles or burn their Bibles or stick beans up their nose, but you know what? I won’t be surprised if it it’s in there.

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Filed under Circular firing squad, Health

They forgot kw33rs and Messicans.

How to prove your opponents’ point; a brief tutorial [via The Montgomery Sentinel]:

A flier claiming “Bagel Brain Jews Want Your Bullets and Your Guns” was mailed to two Chevy Chase neighborhoods and passed out in various public spaces last week.

[…]

[Sen. Brian Frosch] and [Del. Samuel] Rosenberg are the Maryland Senate and House sponsors of Bill 645 which would make it illegal for certain criminals and mentally unstable persons to purchase guns, as well as greater penalties for those who do.

The flyer also calls Frosch and Rosenberg racists and invites interested parties to watch the video No Guns for Negroes.

That’s it. WTF else can I add to this?

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Filed under Circular firing squad, Local Fail, Mental Health

GOPurity Test spits out a false positive, McConnell swallows

Imagine the Republicans’ surprise. There they were, happily chowing down on Senatorfold Brown’s* mantastic meat, when they notice he’s got a tattoo around his navel. Squinting closely they make out the words “I’m pro-choice and I vote.”

If you’re thinking the next scene features hysterical sobbing, a shower running full blast and vigorous scrubbing … You still don’t realize how loath the Repugs are to give up their latest shiny new toy [via True/Slant]:

“He’s gonna be an independent voice for Massachusetts. We expect that. Republicans from the northeast are not exactly like Republicans from the south or the west, we understand that. We have a big tent party. And we’re thrilled to have him.” – Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KYJelly)

Don’t talk with your mouth full senator.

In addition to the guffaw-worthiness of Mitch’s attempt to pretend his party is in full control of anything but the worst the South has to offer and a few freaks who are just as obnoxious, right about the time Brown was telling Barbara Walters that he HATES BABIES, a lot of the cool kids in the GOP were in the far foreign land of “Hawaii,” deciding which kids they’d let into the club house [via The Minneapolis Star-Tribune]:

The new rule will not prevent support for moderate Republican candidates but will bar funding for those judged to be too far to the left, [Bill Crocker – Texas RNC] said.

“No more Scozzafavas, please. No more Specters, please. No more Chafees, please.”

Looks like that thar purity test needs a little more calibration, Hoss.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to enjoy watching the teabagging twerps as they try to spin this and then give up and start screaming they was had.

[xp Rumproast]

*Huge h/t – Allan.

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Filed under Circular firing squad, GOP, Republicans and other Perverts

E. Cantor sees shadow, poops pants, blames liberals

Eric Cantor (R-Va.), has found the real cause for Birfitis. The Lieberuls! [h/t Wonkette]

Oh, don’t look so shocked. Surely you didn’t think he’d blame it on the RealAmerican Bigoted Idiots & Dickheads who infest the GOP. Here’s the entire exchange [via Greg Sargent’s The Plum Line]:

Asked for Cantor’s views on birtherism, his spokesman, Brad Dayspring, emailed me this:

“Mr. Cantor doesn’t question the President’s citizenship, but he has serious questions about the President’s push for government controlled healthcare, taxes on small business job creators, and a huge energy tax on middle class families.

Let’s do what Cantor’s spokestroll should have done and stop right here. This is actually a decent answer. Alas, somewhere between typing the period after “families” and hitting send, the ingrained need to whine and be utterly, laughably wrong about everything took control:

He finds it ironic that those most eager to talk about the President’s citizenship are in fact some of his biggest cheerleaders–whether it’s Chris Matthews or others on MSNBC, the Huffington Post, or camera toting liberal bloggers chasing people through the streets of Washington. [Because cameras don’t take pictures of GOPers visiting Ye Olde Glorie Hole, people do – ed.]

It’s unclear what he’s trying to accomplish here. Surely Cantor’s not suggesting Das Base sullies its beautiful mind with Lieberul media smut filth commie garbage. To the best of my knowledge, antediluvian arsehole Lou “Dewlaps” Dobbs is the first member of the media to “want some answers” about Obama’s citizenship. While Dobbs can rightly be described as a member, he’s not a liberal and the fact that he’s a member of the media only goes to show that standards have slipped.

No matter. We’ll assume Cantor missed Dobb’s outbreak of birfitis and he hasn’t noticed elected members of his party have contracted the illness, and he’s never heard of the nine zillion birfer and quasi-birfer blogs. He’s a Republican after all and they do let information fly right over their heads from time to time. They also aren’t very good at nuance. The comment suggests that the nasty camera-wielding lefties are discussing birfitis because they believe it, when a moment’s thought would suggest that they can’t believe it and are in danger of soiling their pants because they’re laughing so hard. (There’s also a slight whiff of “Obama should have better control of his pet media. They never got out of line while George was in office,” but never mind.)

It could be all of these things and more, but we know from experience that the GOP hates it when anyone points to one of the party’s  many nasty hairy warts and says “Damn! Look at that nasty hairy wart!” And because even a Republican can recognize the disease for what it is, we shouldn’t be surprised they don’t want any outsiders commenting on it.

xp RumpRoast

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Filed under Circular firing squad, Misguided Self-justification, WATB

Think Globally, Bank Locally

Or one day you’ll wake up and find your “The Friendly Bank” has gone bust (via The Washington Post):

Washington Mutual, the nation’s largest thrift, was seized by federal regulators last night and sold immediately to J.P. Morgan Chase for $1.9 billion, avoiding the need for a government bailout of depositors in the troubled company.

The deal narrowly averts a massive hit on the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp., which guarantees most bank deposits. Washington Mutual held far more deposits than any bank that has ever failed. Analysts estimated that a Washington Mutual failure could have soaked up half the money in the insurance fund, forcing a huge increase in the premiums paid to the fund by other banks.

This is hardly worth blogging about. I might as well just come here, type “The Economy Still Sucks (Slightly) More than Bush Thanks to Bush,” and go do something else.

Ah. The S.O. informs me that an analyst on CNN just called Bush a “High functioning moron.”

An angry letter from the High Functioning Morons Society of America is being drafted.

116 Days.

Hmmm. I didn’t catch this earlier this month (via The Washington Post):

We’re entering that exciting phase of any financial crisis when the lawsuits come fast and furious, criminal charges are lodged, and Wall Street firms agree to pay hundreds of millions of dollars for having snookered their customers once again.

In recent weeks, Merrill Lynch, Goldman Sachs, Deutsche Bank, Citigroup, J.P. Morgan Chase, Morgan Stanley, UBS and Wachovia have reached settlements with state regulators under which they agreed to pay more than $500 million in fines and penalties. They have also agreed to buy back more than $50 billion in so-called auction-rate securities from retail investors who had been misled into believing that those securities were as safe as shares in money-market funds.

Time to play spot the rhetorical question:

Is the bailout nothing more than a $700 billion temper tantrum?

Still 116 days.

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Filed under Circular firing squad, Economy, Fail Watch, Greed