An Open Letter on Behalf of the Great Horned Owl

Dear Person or Persons who are pissing off the bubo virginianuses in the neighborhood park,

Here is an interesting fact about Great Horned Owls, some of which are obviously pretty annoyed with you right now.

The crushing power in a Great Horned’s talons is reputed to be an incredible 500 lbs. per square inch, ten times stronger than the grip of a human hand, so once the talons sink through the prey’s back, most prey are killed instantly.

In addition, I imagine taking a hit from a bird that can weigh five pounds and move at 40 mph would be exactly like getting hit by a feather pillow.

If  said pillow was wrapped around a boxer’s fist.

In short, don’t come crying to me when your face is hanging from a tree branch.



Filed under A break from the fail

3 responses to “An Open Letter on Behalf of the Great Horned Owl

  1. B^4

    What are they doing to the birdies?

    I’ve always loved owls- they’re like goatsuckers playing at being eagles.

    • jscottg

      Take back that base insult this instant!

      No idea what was going on as the park is a couple of blocks away. However, upon further reasearch it appears this is the time of year when the owlets start to get out of the nest. Maybe one fell out and something too big for the parents to kill came around.

  2. B^4

    Goatsucker is only an insult if a relationship with Mickey Kaus is implied or explicit.