Glenn Beck is on the TV, eating chalk, dry-humping his blackboard and flapping his face hole about the Holocaust.
The rabbis say to the bartender: “Could you to turn that crap down? It’s hard to enjoy a drink with the Human Bubo taking a dump all over history.”
Joel Cheatwood and Roger Ailes stop molesting rats behind the bar and scream “It’s a liberal Jewish plot by liberal über-Jew George Soros!”
This flu affects the snark glands.
From now on the League of Cool will determine how you spell your name [via WaPo]:
Before becoming the 26th President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt led the First U.S. Volunteer Cavalry, dubbed the “Rough Riders.” The District high school bearing Roosevelt’s name took that on as a name for its athletic teams.
When the school ordered new basketball uniforms prior to this season, Athletic Director Daryl Tilghman was surprised to see “Ryders” across the front of the jerseys. Tilghman called the vendor to complain … and was told “Ryders” was the “cool” way to spell it.
This comment on the story sums it up best:
Be careful Kolts, Crimsun Tyde, Injuns, Ramblurrs and Knyghts you’re just one typo away.
Please send your condolences to the real intended victims [h/t Balloon Juice]:
The Spokane office of the FBI confirmed late Tuesday morning that a suspicious package found along the route of the Unity Parade on Monday morning was a credible threat that had the potential to cause “multiple casualties.”
The backpack, a black Swiss Army pack, was found by a city employee [who deserves a medal -ed.] Monday morning at approximately 9:30 a.m. in a parking lot across from the INB Performing Arts Center. After it was reported, authorities shut down several blocks in the vicinity of the intersection of Main Avenue and Washington Street.
FBI special agent Frank Harrill said the investigation into the device has become a top priority, adding that the timing and placement of the device wasn’t coincidental.
As much as I’d like to think the usual rejects will take the opportunity to quietly sip their frothy tankards of StFu, I don’t hold out much hope.
I’m sure we’ll soon hear this is all the fault of the liberals and the lamestream media who want to DESTROY REALAMERICA and anyway the bomb couldn’t have done that much harm and the FBI made it up and holding parades in honor of someone who died trying to bring racial equality to America is racist and now Obama will use this as an excuse to take our guns and freedoms so let’s ramp up the paranoia to about … eleventy zillion.
Me, I just hope they catch the bastard before he tries something else. The FBI is offering $20 large for information.
[Update] This evening in Seattle police detonated a suspicious package in Counterbalance Park.
January 10 was National Clean off Your Desk Day. January is National Get Organized Month. If you’re like me, this information makes you hunt feverishly for more crap to pile on your desk [via Deutschland über Elvis]:
In a brilliant stroke of post-modernism, the day was first declared by a leader of the Professional Day-Declaring Community.
This intrigued me. No, scratch that. It pissed me off.
Every bit of evidence I’ve read shows that people with fire-hazard desks are at least as productive as their neat-freak counterparts, if not moreso.
When others confronted him about his famously messy desk, Einstein posed a question: If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is an empty desk a sign of?
If you’re nodding your head in agreement, read on. If you’re rolling your eyes or shuddering in disgust at the thought of clutter …
You don’t need another reason to love Dan Savage, but the cover of the next issue of The Stranger gives you one anyway.
The fainting couch is being reupholstered, the pearls have been clutched so often they’ve fallen off the string and the latest shipment of smelling salts is late, so I’ve hidden the skree-inducing image below the fold [via J.M.G.]: