Wake me up for the hot guy takes a shower scene

Balloon Juice had a post about the Terra Vivos D-Luxe Hidey Hole on Friday. I find stuff like this fascinating, so I checked the earlier story [via BoingBoing]:

The central theme to all end-of-the-world scenarios is to find shelter underground. The soil of the Earth itself can provide the best shelter for most catastrophes including a pole shift, super volcano eruptions, solar flares, earthquakes, tsunamis, and asteroids, as well as potential for many more manmade devastations such as nuclear bombs, bio terrorism, chemical warfare, and even the return of Planet X (known as Niburu or Nemisis) and the solar disturbances it will cause.

Does it come with a bridge, or perhaps some land in Florida?

People are forking over $50 large for the promise of safety from giant pole shifting radioactive ants from Planet X. Because, as a species, we’re fucking stupid.

But leaving aside all of the other questions one feels compelled to ask the customers, I have to wonder if these people ever watch movies. Even though I’m not a fan of horror movies I know there are only a few ways this could play out.

After they’re locked down and there’s no way to get out for a full year:

  1. The inhabitants slowly realize there’s SOMETHING in there with them, and it CRAVES HUMAN BLOOD!
  2. Obligatory horn dog and mandatory bad girl sneak into the facility’s secret lab to have sex. During the course of securing the movie’s R rating they knock over the container of super powerful chemicals/viruses/stuff with a weird scary name and are transformed into mutant creatures that CRAVE HUMAN BLOOD!
  3. Unto a man and woman a child is born. AND IT CRAVES HUMAN BLOOD!
  4. STEALTH VAMPIRE! &c!
  5. A massive lightning strike/pole shift/solar flare/EMP/clumsy giant ant turns the super powerful computer that runs the entire facility into a vengeful electronic nightmare.  I think you can guess what it wants for dinner!

And some woman gets her shirt torn off, the black guy bites it before the second reel.

The End.

OR IS IT??

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Filed under Adventures in the Intertubes, Mental Health, Misguided Self-justification

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