Shorter Ross Douchehat: We must preserve imaginary relationships between theoretical people at the expense of real relationships between real people (via MY):
This ideal holds up the commitment to lifelong fidelity and support by two sexually different human beings — a commitment that involves the mutual surrender, arguably, of their reproductive self-interest — as a uniquely admirable kind of relationship. It holds up the domestic life that can be created only by such unions, in which children grow up in intimate contact with both of their biological parents, as a uniquely admirable approach to child-rearing. And recognizing the difficulty of achieving these goals, it surrounds wedlock with a distinctive set of rituals, sanctions and taboos.
Got it? Ross has a pretty picture in his head of the prince and princess riding off into the sunset where they live happily ever after in a big castle that looks just like the Barbie Princess Castle Playset.
The thought that two princes* or two princesses might do the same thing simply ruins everything for him. Boo. Hoo. So America must stick this ideal between two acid-free sheets of paper and lock it up in an air-tight safe marked “Heteros Only” so the kw33rs, people who understand the Constitution and people who object to bigotry don’t get their filthy hands on it or the Barbie Castle.
He says all of this, even though he admits his pretty picture has practically bugger all to do with reality:
Or at least, it was the Western understanding. Lately, it has come to co-exist with a less idealistic, more accommodating approach, defined by no-fault divorce, frequent out-of-wedlock births, and serial monogamy.
The more these assholes stand athwart the roof yelling “Tradition!” the more they slip and crack their balls. I’m sure it will cease to amuse eventually. But for now, let’s see that again in slow motion!
*Yes, a joke about queens would be terribly predictable.