Biggie Smalls. Biggie Smalls. Biggie…*

Professional human impersonator Glenn Beck, his hand puppet Stu and someone named Pat have revealed a long-hidden truth about race relations in America.

If you go into a bathroom, turn out the lights, light a candle, look into the mirror and use the wrong term for a certain race that is too scary to even name … Larry Craig will give you a reach around.

Just kidding. Congress will leap out of the mirror and eat your face (and not in a good way). It’s TRUE [via Sadly, No!]:

Nor would I venture to guess because if you say the wrong one, you are likely to, you know, be assaulted by congress.

Now you may scoff. You may even go so far as to ask for examples of Congress assaulting people when they use the wrong term for the race that no one dares to mention save through subtle winks and whispers. Obviously ACORN thugs hush up these ruthless attacks and hide all the evidence in the same storage facility that houses Obama’s real birth certificate. Do pay attention, this is all clearly outlined in your monthly issue of Tin Foil Hat Weekly.

Like many reaLAMEricans, Glenn, Pat and Mr. Handpuppet, still struggle with the idea that everyone is the U.S.A isn’t exactly like Glenn, Pat & the dummy. (And to be fair, we’ve only been around since before there was a place called the U.S.A, which is like two minutes in fRightie time because they’re easily distracted. I blame their diet. Man cannot live on Cheetos and Mountain Dew alone). So naturally Glenn and Pat and Mr. Handpuppet are upset and confused:

GLENN: Negro used to be. Is it still? I mean, it used to be.

PAT: It used to be accepted and that’s the excuse they use because there’s some

GLENN: No, no. Not acceptable. Is that still the clinical term?

PAT: I don’t know.

GLENN: For I mean, I don’t know, either.

PAT: I don’t know.

GLENN: I don’t know, either.

STU: It’s obviously a term that, you know, sensitivities at this point.

GLENN: It has negative connotations in this country.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: But what I’m asking is what are the clinical categories.

STU: I have no idea. I don’t know.

You see? They. Just. Don’t. Know! And every time they stop bothering goats and pay attention to the world those … people have changed what they want to be called.

This is particularly unfair because throughout U.S. history Brave Patriots like Glenn have provided a host of easy to remember clinical terms for … our affliction (I won’t say it, lest any pregnant women read this post and give birth to a mulatto). And to top it off Congress is forcing “African-American,” a completely new and unheard of

bogus PC made up term

Down everyone’s throats.

GLENN: I mean, that’s not a race. That is, your ancestry is from Africa.

STU: Africa.

GLENN: And now you live in America, okay? So you were brought over, either your family was brought over through the slave trade or you were born here and your family immigrated here or whatever.

STU: Right.

GLENN: But that is not a race.

Whereas Black and Negro (Portuguese and Spanish for black) are races because they quickly and clearly inform listeners that they need to lock the doors and hide the women.

[xp Rumproast]

*If you don’t get this one it means you’re too mature to watch South Park. Congrats.

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