All right, let’s get this over with

It’s almost D-Day in the War Against Christmas, so it’s time to establish the worst Christmas songs ever. There are two categories:

1. Worst original Christmas song.
2. Worst cover of a Christmas song.

And the winners are …

Worst original Christmas song: Punk Rock Christmas – The Sex Pistols.

No. Shut up. I don’t care. It fucking sucks. I first heard this song when much of my life was devoted to seeing how much sound I could get out of my radio before the speaker melted* and even then this song made me cringe. I can’t find it on the YouTubes. Count yourself lucky.

Where was I? Oh, yes.

Worst cover of a Christmas song: Little Drummer Boy – David Bowie & Bing Crosby.

O.K. First of all, what the fuck? Don’t get me wrong. I love Bowie. Hell, I love Crosby. But … No. And the song is just sooo treacle drippy I can’t even think of it without feeling like my ears are full of goo†.

There. That’s done.

*Note to whippersnappers. Once upon a time they made radios that only had one speaker. They sounded … bad.

†Ha ha, motherfucker.

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