Monthly Archives: August 2009

Does Time magazine cause painful anal itching?

According to the New Rules of Journalism, it’s a fair question.

Time Rag.

Yes, I know. I passed up the opportunity to title this “Rocket from Russia.” However, the article (which does not improve once you drag yourself past the lede) is nothing more than an attempt to send the fReichtards back to their dressers for a fresh pair of panties and a new sock.

Let’s grab a quote from Mr. “Simon Shuster’s” article at random:

“The most likely explanation is that the Israelis intercepted this cargo, which had been meant for Syria or Iran,” says Yulya Latynina, a prominent political commentator and radio host on Echo of Moscow, a station owned by state-controlled gas giant Gazprom.

I could write for hours about the problems with this one paragraph. Or I could snicker at the name Gazprom because it sounds like the prom date from Hell. I pick door Number 2 until the TalEvangicals catch wind of this and go into a Force 8 Rapture Frenzy and then I’ll laugh at that.

Apparently, someone got really stoned, read Revelation and decided Russia and Israel mixing it up is A SIGN that soon they’ll be whisked away to Heaven where they’ll get front row seats to the Sinners Writhing in Torment-a-thon.

Actually, we’ve got a big Post-Rapture party planned. Don’t tell them! Mr. Shuster (if that is his real name) isn’t invited either.

My theory: The Russians wanted to confuse six flavors of hell out of English speakers. They named a ship the Artic Sea, hid it for a few weeks and then started calling various officials: “Excuse me, the Artic Sea is missing, have you seen it?” Confirmation will come if the Russians start complaining about the loss of the ship My Cherry.

xp Rumproast

Advertisements

Comments Off on Does Time magazine cause painful anal itching?

Filed under Lazy Latte Sipping Islahomo, WW4F

Stereotypes are such ugly things

So I’m ashamed of my reaction to this story about the Cowboys’ new stadium [via Yahoo!]:

Spending $1.2 billion on a football stadium can get you a lot, but not apparently a good sense of how high to hang 2,100 inch video screens above the field.

At the debut of the new Dallas Cowboys’ stadium last night, Tennessee Titans punter A.J. Trapasso kicked a ball that struck one of the gargantuan high-definition scoreboards that hang over the center of the field.

Whups, guess they forgot that people might actually play football in there. OK, that was the funny part, here’s what I’m ashamed of:

Jerry Jones wasn’t happy with the kick, not so much because he felt that somebody on his engineering team screwed up by placing the video boards too low, but because he seems to think that Trapasso was trying to hit the board on purpose.

My first thought: This dipshit must be a Republican.

Shocking, I know. A dude starts whining like a cat with its dick stuck in a wringer when confronted by the fact that he’s in the midst of some serious and expensive F.A.I.L. and I automatically assume he’s a Republican. Tsk. Tsk.

Really, the fact that my immediate reaction to this dumb putz was absolutely correct is no excuse for such behavior. To make up for my lapse I promise not to laugh uproariously when a kick by David “Ferris” Buehler bounces off the corner and beans Jerbil on the noggin.

Comments Off on Stereotypes are such ugly things

Filed under 'Sponsitility, Sports, We're from the government

Besieged Ensign fends of enemies with a Clenis

I just l-o-o-o-v-e the Family Values crew, don’t you? They’re all a bunch of exceptions without rules. Here’s Exhibit #7,005,263(L) of the cross-clutching fReichtard’s ability to find they are without sin. Or at least without as much sin as the nasty LIEberuls [via AssPress]:

Sen. John Ensign told The Associated Press on Wednesday that his affair with a friend’s wife was different from former President Bill Clinton’s relationship with a White House intern because he didn’t lie about it under oath.

“I haven’t done anything legally wrong,” the Nevada Republican said.

Would you care to repeat that under oath Senator? Just kidding!

It wouldn’t stop you from lying through your teeth and then explaining that your act of perjury wasn’t as bad as Clinton’s.

(Seriously, don’t let these people near your children or pets.)

Comments Off on Besieged Ensign fends of enemies with a Clenis

Filed under Republicans and other Perverts, WATB, WW4F

Press or Protection Racket?

As much as I enjoy watching large corporations swirl down the crapper because they responded to a little adversity with a lot of fuckery, I almost hope this story isn’t true [via the AssPress]:

Less than a year after Tribune Co. launched an innovative plan to combine the newsrooms of The Hartford Courant and a local TV station, a columnist is alleging that the new management forced him out because he wrote unflattering news about a Courant advertiser.

Dude, really? Really?

If it weren’t for passages such as this:

The company announced bold plans to combine the newspaper and TV news operations by building a new studio in the Courant’s newsroom. Tribune called it “the future of media.”

I’d say there was no way anyone at the Courant would be dimwitted enough to think they could fire a 40-year veteran for such a bullshit reason and expect him to go without a murmur.

Gombossy said Levine first expressed displeasure in his Watchdog columns in May, when Gombossy wrote critically of a plumbing contractor. It’s not clear whether the company had already advertised in the newspaper, but Gombossy said Levine told him the plumbing company’s displeasure would be costly for the Courant.

“He said, ‘Do you want it on your head if we lose $200,000 in advertising and I have to lay off reporters at the Courant?’ When someone makes a comment like that, it’s pretty clear where we’re going,” Gombossy said.

Hey, HC management here’s a money making idea. Take your bold new approach to the next level. Oh, there are so many things you could do with this! The HC could offer its silence on inconvenient matters in exchange for advertising revenue. I can see the schedule of rates now:

Insect in food: $50,000

Rodents in food: $100,000

Body part in food (smaller than 3″): $200,000

Body part in food (4″ – 1′): $300,000

Head, limb or torso in food: $500,000

And that’s just for restaurants. Why stop there?

Employees assaulting clients: $500,000

Employees murdering clients: $750,000

Employees unleashing Armageddon: $1,000,000

But if that is too blatant, the HC could create a new “Advertising Sales Force” that approaches potential clients and discusses what a shame it would be if something were to happen to their nice little business because they didn’t advertise in the HC.

KnowhatImean?

Gah. Fuck.

I can’t even enjoy snarking about this shit. Anyway, Gombossy’s  website is here. What little I’ve read confirms that Tribune Co. is in financial trouble because it stinks on ice.

[This post has not been proof-read. Proofing will occur after I’ve had some sleep. Snicker at the typos while ye may. -ed.]

Comments Off on Press or Protection Racket?

Filed under AKA Those Meddling Kids, Misguided Self-justification, WATB

They shoot horses you know

This week’s nominee for things that are gettin’ o-l-d [via AssPress]:

“I’m 39 with a lot of sacks to my name.”

Yup. Serial Retiree Brett Favre is unretired once again. I sure didn’t see that coming.

On the one hand, the dude is a year younger than me so I can see why he’s not ready to quit. On the other hand, my job doesn’t involve being repeatedly pounded by unusually large, fast and fit men. Alas…

Ahem! Anyway, it isn’t the not retiring, per se. It’s the retiring and un-retiring and re-retiring again that pisses me off. There’s something prima donna-esque about his antics that kind of sucks the fun out of watching him play.

If I seem a tad to cranky about this, keep in mind that I watched what happened when Jordan tried to coach and then decided to start playing again. For the Washington “Sucktacathon” Wizards no less. It was painful and I think Favre is headed that way.

Uh-oh:

“It’s going to be good for the team. It’s going to be good for the state. It’s going to be exciting,” a giddy Gov. Tim Pawlenty said after a speech.

Dear God, I hope they don’t let Bachmann near the poor man. He needs to save his stregth!

Comments Off on They shoot horses you know

Filed under Lazy Latte Sipping Islahomo, Sports

Dear WordPress Overlords:

Jesus Christ riding up the down escalator!

Give the constant changes and updates and generally making me feel senile because nothing looks familiar from one day to the next a rest already.

Thank you.

p.s. Stay offa my lawn.

Comments Off on Dear WordPress Overlords:

Filed under Lazy Latte Sipping Islahomo, Mental Health, RBBC

I got mine

Go get yours.

Comments Off on I got mine

Filed under Adventures in the Intertubes, Republicans and other Perverts