Soon to be unemployed person: Michael “Hank Paulson” Chertoff
Current title: Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, aka Secretary of the Department of OMG I’m So Scared I Crapped My PANTS!!
Past Employment: “Secretary Chertoff was previously confirmed by the Senate in 2001 to serve as Assistant Attorney General for the Criminal Division at the Department of Justice. As Assistant Attorney General, he oversaw the investigation of the 9/11 terrorist attacks [Conclusion: No one in BAdmin could have seen this coming – ed]. He also formed the Enron Task Force, which produced more than 20 convictions, including those of CEOs Jeffrey Skilling and Ken Lay [Conclusion: No one in BAdmin could have seen this coming – ed].”
May he long be remembered for: His Amazing Educated Gut.
Apparent areas of expertise: Hunger strikes.
Suggestions for new jobs: Body double for Hank Paulson, Chicken Little or Ann Coulter.