Monthly Archives: October 2008

Check the under optimistic rug

Remember when we invaded Afghanistan? Remember why we went into Afghanistan? Remember how President FuckNut got distracted from our goals in Afghanistan (stomp the Taliban and catch Osama still Hidin’)? Remember what happened next?

Well, guess what buttercup, that lie about Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction continues to bite our military in the ass (via The Washington Post):

U.S. commanders in Afghanistan now believe they need about 20,000 additional troops to battle a growing Taliban insurgency, as demands mount for support forces such as helicopter units, intelligence teams and engineers that are critical to operating in the country’s harsh terrain.

Remember when Bush joked about not finding WMD with his oh-so-clever looking under the furniture pantomime? That sure was funny wasn’t it? Maybe he’ll do it again when someone asks where the Hell we’re supposed to get 20,000 soldiers who aren’t fucking exhausted and ready to scamper up and down mountains. That sure would be hyuck-hyuck oh stop I can’t breathe funny. Almost as funny as the fact that Osama bin Laden is still at large and the fascist bastards of the Taliban are regrouping. Maybe he’ll suggest posting a want ad in the papers. That would be a real fucking knee slapper.

“There is no question” that insurgents have used sanctuaries in Pakistan to grow more skilled in infantry tactics such as raids, ambushes, small-arms gunfights, and the use of mortars and rockets, as well as suicide bombings, [ Brig. Gen. Mark A. Milley, deputy commander of U.S. troops in eastern Afghanistan] said in an interview.

Dude, they cut their teeth on the Russians. They aren’t getting more skilled, they’re taking refresher courses.

Meanwhile, the shortage of military resources is constraining the frequency and scope of U.S. offensive operations against insurgents. “You have to build a strategy that keeps you within the realm of your capabilities,” [Brig. Gen. Michael S. Tucker, the top commander for day-to-day military operations in Afghanistan] said in an interview. Of the requested troop increase, Tucker said, “I’d like to get it tomorrow.”

Clearly he didn’t get the memo: If you base your strategy on reality, the terrorists will win.

_____

Five seconds of serious:

To all of the people trying to hold it together out there: This latte sipping Islahomo wishes you luck. Come home safe.

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Filed under Fail Watch, Military, The War Against Terror

Because they can’t get enough of The War Against Terror

Yeehaw! Bring it on! Operation Infinite Madness 4 Evar (via the AssPress):

U.S. military helicopters attacked territory inside Syria close to its border with Iraq Sunday, killing eight people in a strike the Syrian government condemned as “serious aggression.”

A U.S. military official said the raid by special forces targeted the foreign fighter network that travels through Syria into Iraq in an area where the Americans have been unable to shut it down because it was out of the military’s reach.

‘Scuse me. Islahomo dirtbag civilian here. I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout launchin’ no invasions, but couldn’t you just wait until they crossed into the bit where you already are and nab them? You know: “Welcome to Iraq, into the truck!” that would be funny, wouldn’t piss people off and wouldn’t lead to a great big smoking hole in the ground.

“We are taking matters into our own hands,” the official told The Associated Press on condition of anonymity because of the political sensitivity of cross-border raids.

Yeah, great. All right. Makes perfect sense. Say, I don’t suppose you confirmed the eight people you took into your own hands were actually bad guys.

Hello?

Hello?

A Syrian government statement carried by the official Syrian Arab News Agency said the helicopters attacked the Sukkariyeh Farm near the town of Abu Kamal, five miles inside the Syrian border. Four helicopters attacked a civilian building under construction shortly before sundown and fired on workers inside, the statement said.

Wait, wait. I know how this goes: “Those who go to work where potential terrorists might potentially wander past pondering potential attacks in Iraq should be aware they risk being blown to kingdom come.”

Assholes.

Check the upper-right corner for your RDA of unintentional truthiness.

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Filed under Military, Misguided Self-justification, The War Against Terror

Commence Operation Disenfranchise the Darkies & the Proles

I can’t decide if John Boehner is a festering stinking asshole or a festering, putrid stinking asshole on a dead skunk. See what you think (via the AssPress):

House Republican leader John Boehner on Wednesday urged President Bush to block all federal funds to a grass-roots community group that has been accused of voter registration fraud.

“It is evident that ACORN is incapable of using federal funds in a manner that is consistent with the law,” Boehner, R-Ohio, wrote Bush, saying that funds should be blocked until all federal investigations into the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now are completed.

I’m sure he was equally concerned when federal fund recipient Blackwater started using the citizens of Iraq for target practice. But wait, it gets better:

Boehner said he and other Republicans were also asking the Justice Departmentto investigate ACORN’s connections to the home mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, saying ACORN “appears to have played a key role in the irresponsible schemes that led to the current financial meltdown.”

Why stop there Johnny? You could have accused them of engineering the 9/11 attacks to the increase in diabetes.

Shitheel.

1 Comment

Filed under Election 2008, Fail Watch, GOP, Misguided Self-justification

Chopping Bloch

Fans of homophobia, incompetence and computer hijinks will be saddened to learn that Scott Bloch has decided he won’t stick around until the next president kicks him out (via The Washington Post):

The nation’s top protector of whistle-blowers, who himself is being investigated for allegedly retaliating against employees, said Monday he will resign at the end of his term in January instead of staying on until a replacement can take over.

Bloch has been on the hot seat since he took office in 2004, in part for closing hundreds of whistle-blower cases allegedly without investigating them.

Let’s hope a bunch of those other fuckers take the hint.

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Filed under Fail Watch, GOP, We're from the government

“Establishment gonna fall down and go boom.”

Man am I lazy. Okay, I’ve also been watching the McPOW campaign and wondering if the like shooting themselves in the feet. Anyway, what with the economy still in a slow burn, I bet you’ll be glad to hear that at least you don’t have to worry some lunatic will break into a BSL-4 lab and track killer cooties all over the place.

Weeel … sorta (via the GAO):

BSL-4 labs handle the world’s most dangerous agents and diseases. In fact, of the four BSL designations, only BSL-4 labs can work with agents for which no cure or treatment exists. GAO was asked to perform a systematic security assessment of key perimeter security controls at the nation’s five operational BSL-4 labs.

And every single one was locked up tighter than a cat’s ass, right?

While three labs had all or nearly all of the key security controls GAO assessed-features such as perimeter barriers, roving armed guard patrols, and magnetometers in use at lab entrances-two labs demonstrated a significant lack of these controls.

For example, the two labs with fewer security controls lacked both visible deterrents and a means to respond to intrusion. One lab even had a window that looked directly into the room where BSL-4 agents were handled. In addition to creating the perception of vulnerability, the lack of key security controls at these labs means that security officials have fewer opportunities to stop an intruder or attacker.

So, 67% of the BSL-4 labs in this country are experiencing major fail when it comes to keeping the killer cooties locked up tight. And thanks to bAdmin. there’s a good chance some dipshit from Regent’s University is working in one of those labs…

Uggh. I don’t feel too good.

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Filed under Fail Watch, Health, We're from the government

Back in the USSA

New Rule #1: If a Rethuglican starts mouthing off about the perils of socialized medicine, you have to grab a roll of quarters and punch him right in the nads (via The Washington Post):

In remarks to the media just concluded, Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson said the federal government will use the authority it has been granted by the $700 billion Wall Street bailout/rescue law to buy actual stakes in U.S. banks, in addition to merely buying troubled assets off their books.

New Rule #2: When you go to the bank you must walk this way

Serious advice: Получите ваши деньги в малый, местный банк КАК МОЖНО СКОРЕЕ.

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Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Greed

Our Economy in Pictures – Part the First

Heh!

To be continued! Here though is a thrilling preview also of our next installment:

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Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Greed, We're from the government