Daily Archives: September 20, 2008

Remember the Alamo! – Update II

Say, it’s been a while since the TalEvangicals were caught doing something more disgusting than their usual bullshit.

Ugg, sorry I brought it up (via the AssPress):

FOUKE, Ark. – FBI agents and state police raided an evangelist’s headquarters Saturday as part of a child pornography investigation, and social workers interviewed children who live at the complex in southwestern Arkansas to find out whether they were abused.

I for one hope these allegations are not true. Reading about child abuse makes me want to acquire an assault weapon or six and blow the assholes straight to Hell. Hopefully they’ll just find a lot of wet suits, butt plugs and life sized, anatomically correct inflatable Jesus dolls around the place.

In a phone call to The Associated Press from a friend’s house in the Los Angeles area, Tony Alamo — who was once accused of child abuse and has been convicted of tax evasion — denied involvement in pornography.

“We don’t go into pornography; nobody in the church is into that,” Alamo said “Where do these allegations stem from? The anti-Christ government. The Catholics don’t like me because I have cut their congregation in half. They hate true Christianity.”

Shame on me for doubting this upright, honest and not at all deranged or creepy as all Hell citizen.

Holy Fouke. Anyone who allowed this creature within twenty yards of their children or pets needs a smack upside the head.

Wow. This piece of work goes through aliases like he goes through wives. Family Values™, bitches!

Update:

Dear God, I know You operate in Your own mysterious way. But if you want to restore a lot of people’s faith in You all at once, start by dropping a piano on this shit bastard’s head (via the AssPress):

Alamo claimed in a telephone interview with The Associated Press on Saturday that the investigation was part of a federal push to legalize same-sex marriage while outlawing polygamy. He also said for girls having sex, “consent is puberty.”

If you could make it one of Elton John’s pianos, that would be extra excellent. Amen.

Update II:

Christ, just throw his ass in jail for a few days and let the rules of prison do their work (via the AssPress):

…Alamo faces charges he transported children across state lines for sexual activities, in violation of the Mann Act. And so once again, the one-time rock promoter and street preacher that former President Clinton likened to “Roy Orbison on speed” will return to federal court.

Hey, the U.S. has locked up hundreds of guys for years just because they happened to have a certain last name or their neighbors wanted a reward. Surely it must be all right to lock up a filthy bastard who is accused of hurting kids without a trial. He can pray to his god to protect him from the other prisoners.

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Filed under Church of the Poisoned Mind, Misguided Self-justification

The pResident’s Greatest Hit – The Economic Edition.

I just hate it when a musician takes a hit song, tweaks it a bit and releases it as a new song (via The Washington Post):

“This action does entail risk. But we expect that this money will eventually be paid back. . . . The risk of not acting would be far higher.”

√ Passive voiced wishful thinking bullshit to imply $500 billion $700 billion will magically reappear in the Treasury’s coffers?

Check.

√ Vague threat that if we don’t obey the Chimperor right this very second something horrible will happen?

Check.

All we need is advice to buy plastic sheeting and duct tape, and some sort of Rainbow of Fear:

Today’s Economic Disaster Alert is Code Orange. There is a good chance you’ll be robbed blind, beaten senseless and left bleeding in an alley by a psychotic bastard who says “Heh!” a lot.

Under the administration’s plan, the Treasury would offer to buy the troubled mortgages from U.S. financial institutions. The Fed has been talking to its counterparts around the world to set up similar programs for other countries’ banks.

I joked with the S.O. the other night about BushBot’s plan being to print more money. Now I see I’m right. Seriously, they can talk about the Treasury buying shit until they’re blue in the face but unless and until they explain WHERE THEY WILL GET THE FUCKING MONEY to fund this shopping spree, they’re full of shit. Also, any country that trusts us to create a plan that won’t cause rioting in the streets … well that country deserves what it gets.

Unless they’re just talking about China where they control rioting and repave the roads at one time.

Oops. Sorry. I should have read the next paragraph:

The Treasury would hold several rounds of buying, first purchasing securities from the banks that request the lowest prices, in order to limit the cost to taxpayers. The plan could be broadened to include securities based on other kinds of loans, such as student loans and commercial real estate. [emphasis mine -ed.]

Silly me, I should’ve known.

Well thanks guys. I guess you thought that since we were so thrilled about paying for the Cowboy from Kennebunkport’s Most Excellent Iraqi Adventure, we’d cream our pants over a chance to pay for eight years of his buddies robbin’ and stealin’ in a drunken state.

But the Treasury intervention threatens to drain deposits from already troubled banks because money-market funds offer higher interest rates and now will feature the same federal protection. People familiar with the matter said banking regulators were not consulted on the plan and were considering how best to limit the impact on banks.

Oh well. Individual banks aren’t too big to fail. Fuck ’em, they’re barely more important than individual U.S. citizens.

The American Bankers Association released a letter to Bernanke and Paulson that said the government had acted in “great haste” and should reconsider.

“The program announced this morning runs the risk in the long run of profoundly changing the nature of our financial system and, specifically, undermining the nation’s banking system,” wrote ABA President Edward Yingling.

Oh Ed, you don’t expect us to get all upset about something that will happen in the long run. The pResident wants us to be afraid RIGHT NOW. Sheesh. Next you’ll say we should worry about the enormous tax burden this is placing on countless generations of Americans.

I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden.

I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden. Heh.

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Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, We're from the government