I’ll take “Things That Will Not End Well” for $1,000

Wow. Just. Wow (via the AssPress):

A tiny Texas district will allow teachers and staff members to carry concealed firearms to deter and protect against school shootings when classes begin this month, provided the gun-toting employees follow certain requirements.

Like they receive regular doses of Valium?

Trustees approved the policy change last year. For employees to carry a pistol, they must have a Texas license to carry a concealed handgun; must be authorized to carry by the district; must receive training in crisis management and hostile situations; and must ammunition designed to minimize the risk of ricocheting bullets.

Yep. Because if 10 people start firing their guns you don’t want the bullets bouncing around everywhere. Someone might get hurt!

So you’re saying “But surely there must be some history of school shootings in this district,” proving that you haven’t been paying attention:

The lone campus of the 110-student district sits near a heavily traveled highway, which could make it a target, [David Thweatt, superintendent of the Harrold Independent School District] argued.

Got it? You thought the perpetrators of school shootings were people who actually had some connection with the school. That’s because you don’t know about the perils of highway proximity that Thweatty-Bird learned about by listening to the CIA broadcasts he picked up on his fillings. He’s also the only one who can protect the children from the harmful rays of Planet Zorgor and the mutant worm men who keep trying to steal our wimmin.

So don’t worry parents of Harrold, TX. A school superintendent who is a paranoid whack-job won’t affect your child’s safety at all.


Have ya’ll considered home schooling?

Why can’t they just hire this guy?



Filed under Circular firing squad, Mental Health, Misguided Self-justification

2 responses to “I’ll take “Things That Will Not End Well” for $1,000

  1. Jesse

    Well, you see how well disarming the staff of Columbine and Virginia Tech worked, not to name countless others.

    Actually, lets name them: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_shooting

    Honest, law-abiding citizens bearing arms has been, is, and always will be the best defense against criminals.

    Our founding fathers knew this over 200 years ago. They even wrote a document about it.

  2. Trent

    Hmm – 1 year later, teachers have been carrying guns in school, and not one gun has even had to be pulled from a holster, let alone fired. Do we still believe that making schools gun-free zones works to prevent shootings? Or as a country are we starting to believe in the right to self-defense?

    If you’re a woman who works late at night and must walk alone to your car, are you safer when guns are illegal but the criminals still have them, or when you’re allowed to legally arm yourself?