Border Bandits

So how bad is our economy? The U.S. government has taken to swiping people’s electronics and selling them overseas (via The Washington Post):

Federal agents may take a traveler’s laptop computer or other electronic device to an off-site location for an unspecified period of time without any suspicion of wrongdoing, as part of border search policies the Department of Homeland Security recently disclosed.

Sure, they say it’s for security reasons but what the hell do they expect to find on the iPod of a person bent on blowing up the Washington Monument? Plans for blowing up the Washington Monument? Please. The only way anyone that stupid could harm anyone is when he accidentally blows himself up. If TSA gets its paws on your laptop and camera it won’t see the light of day until it hits Cuba.

Raoul Castro’s new policies have created a great demand for electronics.

And if you’re yawning because you don’t care what happens to a bunch of foreigners’ gear, whack yourself with a mallet for me:

DHS officials said the newly disclosed policies — which apply to anyone entering the country, including U.S. citizens — are reasonable and necessary to prevent terrorism. Officials said such procedures have long been in place but were disclosed last month because of public interest in the matter [As in “Where the flaming fuck is my laptop you thieving bastard?” – ed].


The policies state that officers may “detain” [DETAIN? -ed.] laptops “for a reasonable period of time” [As long as we want to and if you complain you’re a terrist! -ed.] to “review and analyze information.” [Once we find someone to help us with difficult words like … er … difficult -ed.] This may take place “absent individualized suspicion.”

The policies cover “any device capable of storing information in digital or analog form,” including hard drives, flash drives, cellphones, iPods, pagers, beepers, and video and audio tapes. They also cover “all papers and other written documentation,” including books, pamphlets and “written materials commonly referred to as ‘pocket trash’ or ‘pocket litter.’  [That’s right, as you read this schmucks are poring over bubble gum wrappers and phone numbers scribbled on napkins -ed.]”

If I didn’t know better I’d think this country is being run by people so damn brain dead that they loathe the literate. Hmm…

But anyway, if you’re a scientist and you’re thinking of bringing your cure for cancer to America, don’t bother. The same goes for chemists who have discovered a fuel that is cheap and doesn’t create CO; Writers with the final draft of a novel that will entertain millions; Musicians with recording ditto.

In fact, I’d encourage everyone who is thinking of coming to the states to stay away for a while, even if you’re from the states. We’re going through a very stupid period right now and it’s kind of embarrassing.

Oh, I almost forgot there’s a great sideline in stealing credit card information, social security numbers and making a few long distance calls on your dime:

Reasonable measures must be taken to protect business information and attorney-client privileged material, the policies say, but there is no specific mention of the handling of personal data such as medical and financial records.

And think of the blackmail possibilities!

You just know right now Dick CthCheney is arguing that the right to torture your electronic devices is imperative for the safety of our nation.

Im n ur gear. Lookin @ ur records.


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