Monthly Archives: August 2008

Numbers Racket

The Pinhead of 1600 Penn. Ave lied through his teeth again gave America a little happy talk today (via The Washington Post):

“There have been some recent signs that our economy is beginning to improve,” Bush said in his weekly radio address.

Now, don’t rush to the grocery store expecting to find cheaper food, because that isn’t one of the signs. I know the price of gas went down (somewhat) last week but Hurricane Gustav took care of that. Don’t expect to be less upside down in your mortgage. Or car loan. Don’t expect your boss to give you a raise. Don’t expect a job offer. Don’t expect the credit card companies to stop moving your due date so they can’t hit you up for a late fee. Anything you might be experiencing that suggests the economy is befucked is um … a sign of a disturbing lack of faith.

Among the positive signs that Bush referenced was a report Thursday that the overall economy, as measured by the gross domestic product, rose by 3.3 percent in the April-June quarter.

Most credit was given to the $93 billion in economic stimulus payments the federal government has sent to households since May.

See, doesn’t that make you feel better? Doesn’t that make up for the fact that you lost your house and you no longer have health insurance? And hey, there’s lots of different ways to eat Ramen noodles! Everything is just fine says the pinhead.

Uh-oh:

However, other economic news this week showed that right after that second quarter, in July, consumer spending slowed to a crawl and personal incomes plunged.

Hey, who needs heating oil anyway?

“There are families across our country struggling to make ends meet,” he said. “There is an understandable concern about the high price of gas and food. And many Americans are worried about the health of our housing and job markets. I share these concerns about our economy.”

You can get through the winter with the warm fuzzy that comes of knowing the pinhead, really truly gives a fuck about your plight.

Heh.

142 days.

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Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Misguided Self-justification

Holy shit, history

I don’t intend to cover the campaign because everyone else I read does a much better job. However, I should pause to note that Barack Obama’s nomination is official, shouldn’t I?

You’re right. I don’t know what the hell’s the matter with me either. In my defense, it ain’t exactly a huge surprise and I have to pace myself for the election.

Please don’t tell my mom.

Anyway. I have been wanting to do this:

It’s 0300. The phone rings. Who do you expect to hear the phone?

Contestant # 1

Contestant # 1

Contestant #101

Contestant # 101

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Filed under A break from the fail, Election 2008, Lazy Latte Sipping Islahomo

I’m still (really) not covering the McPOW campaign

But even if I were, I’d give up after reading Chuck Butcher’s take down. A sample:

You spend POW like it was water, you got elected on it, you’ve covered your butt with it. Chuck Keating should have sunk you, philandering on your wife in the Republican Party should have sunk you – values you know – but POW saved you. Every stupid remark or policy statement that you make you retreat to POW. It will wear out, McMaverick, it’ll become a latenight TV punch line and that’ll be it. The Obama campaign must pussyfoot around your qualifications, because you’ll POW them. “How dare you question my leadership and judgement, I know how to get captured.” You’re an ill tempered old man with poor judgement and a worse sense of civility and a bare grasp of current events and geography, but…POW.

How the hell could I follow something like that?

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Filed under Fail Watch

Return of the Attack of the 50′ Activist Judge

Plan Q: Ask their moms to send notes excusing them from Congressional hearings (via Roto-Reuters):

A U.S. judge ruled against the Bush administration in its fight with Congress over a probe into the firings of U.S. attorneys by refusing on Tuesday to delay an order that current and former White House aides comply with congressional subpoenas.

Federal judge John Bates [Appointed by you-know-who! – ed.] ruled that he would not put off his July order that former White House counsel Harriet Miers [Whom I hope you remember from this exhibition of idiocy -ed.] testify to Congress, and that Chief of Staff Josh Bolten surrender documents related to the 2006 firings.

Plan R: Fake massive head trauma.

Actually, that wouldn’t require much fakery at all.

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Filed under Fail Watch, Misguided Self-justification, We're from the government

The louse that bored

pResident Bush struggles to secure his place among history’s greatest hypocrites (via The Washington Post):

In a sharply worded response Tuesday afternoon, President Bush condemned the Russian move, calling it “irresponsible” and likely to raise tensions.

I think he’s a shoo in.

“We expect Russia to live up to its international commitments, reconsider this irresponsible decision, and follow the approach set out in the six-point agreement,” Bush said in a statement issued from his ranch in Crawford, Tex. “The territorial integrity and borders of Georgia must be respected, just as those of Russia or any other country…”

Ten truck-loads of Viagra couldn’t help this impotent little prick.

And this won’t help anyone or anything at all, anywhere:

Vice President Cheney is scheduled to travel to Georgia next week as part of a trip that will also include stops in two other former Soviet republics, Azerbaijan and Ukraine.

Sorry George, Putin is a much bigger dick than Ctheney.

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Filed under Fail Watch, Foreign Policy

You’re right, so you’re fired

Easiest job in town (via The Washington Post):

Bernanke: Financial System Must Be Strengthened

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke Friday called for a strengthening of the nuts and bolts of the financial system and said the Fed and other regulators should focus more on the stability of the overall system, rather than just the health of individual companies.

OK. I don’t know how much Michael Chertoff’s chubby brother gets paid but I’m going to go waaaay out on a limb and say if it runs into double digits it is TOO DAMN MUCH. Really? We should try to take a systemic approach to the economy? Gosh, however did you arrive at the idea that rushing around trying to patch shit up when the FoCs got in trouble wasn’t working?

He said the Fed, or example, ought to be given the explicit authority to oversee the way financial institutions pay each other and clear trades.

Let’s see … Based on a review of your current track record … No. Fucking. Way.

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Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Greed

Wha? Hey! Can they do that?

This made me smile (via the AssPress):

At the request of a lesbian couple, the Coquille Indian Tribe on the southern Oregon coast has adopted a law recognizing same-sex marriage.

Legal scholars said that tribes do have authority over domestic relations among tribal members, but Congress may have the ultimate say-so.

Please let the GOP make “Fucking with the Native Americans,” a priority this election season. I want to see those asshats talking about the threat Native American tribes pose to American Traditions.

“For our tribe, we want people to walk in the shoes of other people and learn to respect differences,” the tribal chief, Ken Tanner, told The Oregonian newspaper. “Through that, we think we build a stronger community.”

Egads! A desire to live in harmony with people who aren’t exactly like you. Is that allowed?

Congratulations to the Brantings.

Update –¬†Just in time, Hallmark Cards puts the moves on a big juicy market share (via The Washington Post):

Most states don’t recognize gay marriage – but now Hallmark does.

The nation’s largest greeting card company is rolling out same-sex wedding cards¬†featuring two tuxedos, overlapping hearts or intertwined flowers, with best wishes inside. “Two hearts. One promise,” one says.

None shall be spared the syrupy platitudes!

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Filed under A break from the fail, Lazy Latte Sipping Islahomo