X-Fails – I don’t frickin’ believe this

The fine folks at Ballon Juice and The CarpetBagger Report (see the blog roll) keep beating me to the daily beat down of bAdmin, so I’ll take a few minutes to do my fellow X-Files fans a big favor by posting the following Public Service Announcement:

DO NOT GO SEE THIS MOVIE.

Take the money you’d spend on tickets and drinks and popcorn and buy a DVD box set of the show. Hell, with the price of movie tickets, &c these days you could probably buy two box sets.

And yes, I did read a couple of reviews and I thought “Weeeell, the reviewer probably didn’t like the X-Files.” I could hit myself right in the nuts with a meat tenderizer.

I’ll tell you who doesn’t like The X-Files. I’ll tell you who must hate The X-Files, the cast and the fans. This shameless putz:

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Here are the only reasons you should go see the movie:

  1. You don’t like movies that feature anything of the extraterrestrial or cryptozoological variety.
  2. You don’t understand the difference between consensual sexual relations between adults and adults who rape children. (And no I’m not talking about sex between women and boys.)
  3. You think men grow up to be gay if they’re regularly raped by adults.
  4. You firmly believe (hah) that left to their own devices gay men will hack up pretty ladies for fun and profit.
  5. You like your movies long on angst, short on humor. Or plot. Or writing. Or acting.

Consider yourself warned.

Bonus extra reason: When I went to see it there was a trailer for the next George Lucas pukestravaganza. Isn’t there any way to stop this man?

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Sorry about the typos. I blame an allergy to relentless hacks.

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