Monthly Archives: May 2008

Trust me baby, it’s not a Crusade

First there was this (via The AssPress):

Hundreds of Afghans demonstrated Monday in two different provinces against a U.S. sniper in Iraq who used a Quran, the Muslim holy book, for target practice.

Then right when people might have been ready to calm down (via McClatchy):*

The U.S. military confirmed Thursday that a Marine in Fallujah passed out coins with a Gospel verse on them to Sunni Muslims, a military spokesman in the Iraqi city said. The man was immediately removed from the checkpoint and reassigned.

The coins angered residents who said they felt that the American troops, whom they consider occupiers, were also acting as Christian missionaries in a predominantly Muslim nation.

*H/t Wilfred, denizen of Balloon Juice.

There could be two things going on here and I don’t know what would be worse.

1. The military is sending people to other countries without telling them jackshit about the place they’ll be living for the next few years.

2. The military is training complete asshats to use weapons.

I know it’s #2 and it doesn’t make me feel any better.

One Marine making a mistake shouldn’t brand the work of hundreds of Marines, said Sgt. Maj. Neil O’Connell in western Anbar province. He went on to tell the story of two young Marines who were killed to protect Iraqi police.

True. One fuck up shouldn’t fuck things up for everyone else. Unfortunately, what Sgt. Maj. O’Connell overlooks is this isn’t a case of one random member of a group being a dick. This is a military occupation and the people of the occupied country have already have lots and lots and lots of other reasons to dislike every member of the group and that isn’t counting the fact that some members of the group have done far worse things than hand out gospel coins.

Plus, you all look alike.


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Filed under Military, The War Against Terror

Warning: Riechtard Heads Exploding Next 300 Miles

Um. BOO. YAH (via The AssPress):

Hours after California issued a directive Wednesday authorizing that date, word came that New York Gov. David Paterson instructed state agencies — including those governing insurance and health care — to immediately change policies and regulations to recognize gay marriages.

“We’re aware that our advocacy is incomplete and we will keep trying until people who love each other and want to get married, regardless of who they are, have that opportunity,” Paterson said in the video, which was posted on the gay rights organization’s Web site.

I know this isn’t the same as NY legalizing gay marriage, but much love to Gov. Paterson for thinking outside the closet.

Er, box.


The Rev. Duane Motley, director of New Yorkers for Constitutional Freedoms, which has lobbied against the legalization of gay marriage, declined to comment on Paterson’s directive. State Conservative Party Chairman Michael Long didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment.

Hard to comment when your thick skull has blown into a million pieces.

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Filed under A break from the fail, Lazy Latte Sipping Islahomo

There, there. There is no there there.

BushCo tries to add to its Legacy o’ Fail (via The Washington Post):

The Bush administration is pressing U.N. inspectors to broaden their search for possible secret nuclear facilities in Syria, hinting that Damascus’s nuclear program might be bigger than the single alleged reactor destroyed by Israeli warplanes last year.

Hey there BushCo fucktards! A novel idea for ya: Find the God damned Weapons of Mass Smoking Mushroom Clouds in Iraq before you start wringing your paws over Syria.

At least three sites have been identified by U.S. officials [Who got their bulletproof information from graffiti in Union Station’s mens’ room – ed.] and passed along [On the back of cocktail napkins – ed.] to the International Atomic Energy Agency [Who rolled their eyes and used them to wipe their asses – ed.], which is negotiating [¿¡ZOMG negotiations!? ¡¿Isn’t that like appeasement?!? – ed.] with Syria for permission to conduct inspections in the country, according to U.S. government officials and Western diplomats. U.S. officials want to know if the suspect sites may have been support facilities for the alleged Al Kibar reactor destroyed in an Israeli air raid Sept. 6, the sources said.

And if they are, why, that will prove that BushCo’s attempt to spread the ponies of democracy and reign* in rouge nations in the M.E. has been a complete and utter F-A-I-L-U-R-E.

Sure, you and I know that Syria might or might not want nukes but if BushCo insists that Syria is in fact 100% slam-dunk certain working on nukes then it makes for a particularly fine Dick-in-Hand moment. Nothing says Suck My Balls quite like whipping up some nukes while the army of your sworn enemy is right next door.

U.S. government officials declined to describe the specific sites that have drawn interest, or to discuss how they were identified.

[CIA Director Michael V. Hayden] predicted that Syria would “almost certainly attempt to delay and deceive” the IAEA [And it will work so far as we’re concerned because someone done busted our military -ed]. But he added: “We know what they did [Last Summer – ed.].”

And it will go down on their permanent record. Please God at least let these shithouse rats realize how bloody stupid they sound.

The absence of a clear fuel source for the reactor — as well as a fuel-reprocessing facility for extracting plutonium — has baffled experts who have studied the Syrian project. “It’s like having a car but not enough gas to run it,” said David Albright, a former U.N. nuclear inspector in Iraq and the president of the Institute for Science and International Security.

There is no money in my wallet. But I have a wallet. So like … I must have some money. Grooovy.

But at least he gets points for unintentional snark about the price of gas.

But weapons experts also noted that Western intelligence has had a mixed record on the reliability of leads provided to U.N. inspectors. “U.S. intelligence has had a serious credibility problem on weapons of mass destruction for a decade,” said John Pike [Who deserves a small prize for finely crafted understatement -ed.] of, adding that “they have been known to be right on occasions.”

Like that time. When … Um. Well, they knew North Korea had a nuke. After they blew it up.

236 more days of this bullshit.


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Filed under Fail Watch, Foreign Policy

Two Guys, One Fail

Smart statergery from the GOP (via The AssPress):

President Bush starts raising money for John McCain’s campaign next week, but the three fundraisers are closed, so there will be no news media cameras photographing the outgoing and incoming Republican party leaders together nor reporters observing their joint appearances.

Two things:

1. If we could rely on Das Press to do more than tell us who was there, what they ate and what they were wearing, we might give a flaming damn.

2. “Outgoing and incoming Republican leaders“? Excuse me, you misspelled L-O-S-E-R-S.

Bush has headlined numerous fundraisers for the Republican National Committee this election cycle, starting last year.

And despite the repeated beatings the GOP has received, they keep asking him to help.


The Chimperor has 241 days left to finish destroying the Republican Party. Godspeed Mr. President!

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Filed under Election 2008, Fail Watch, GOP

“Taint Problem”

Your attention please. If you are surprised by this, please smack yourself between the eyes with a ball peen hammer (via The Washington Post):

Five years ago, as troubling reports emerged about the treatment of detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, a career lawyer at the Justice Department began a long and relatively lonely campaign to alert top Bush administration officials to a strategy he considered “wrongheaded.” [Wrongheaded? – ed.]

Bruce C. Swartz, a criminal division deputy in charge of international issues, repeatedly questioned the effectiveness of harsh interrogation tactics at White House meetings of a special group formed to decide detainee matters, with representatives present from the Pentagon, the State Department and the CIA.

Swartz warned that the abuse of Guantanamo inmates would do “grave damage” to the country’s reputation and to its law enforcement record, according to an investigative audit released earlier this week by the Justice Department’s inspector general. [Emphasis added].

O.K. I know these stunning revelations have been neither stunning nor revelations for a while. What I really don’t get is why people keep quavering “What will the neighbors think?” in response to torture. Jesus Para Sailing Christ, whatever happened to “It’s fucking wrong!” in response to torture? Nope, in BushCoVille, everything, every single damn thing has to be run through the filter of “Why should I?” and “What’s in it for me?” and “Heh!”

Perhaps Pasquale D’Amuro, who at the time was the FBI’s assistant director for counterterrorism and has since wound up in the gutter, gets it:

D’Amuro told the investigators that he protested the tactics at a meeting with Mueller at the time, an account confirmed by his colleagues. D’Amuro stated that such aggressive interrogation techniques would not be effective, that they would impede the ability of FBI agents to appear as witnesses at trials, and that the tactics would blacken the country’s reputation by helping al-Qaeda spread negative views.

D’Amuro recognized that the bureau would have a “taint problem” if the FBI did the interviews after the CIA had used its aggressive approaches, the report said. Mueller subsequently decided that the FBI agents would not go back to the sessions.

Silly me.

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Filed under Misguided Self-justification, The War Against Terror

No Child Left Outside

BushCo’s struggle to win hearts and minds continues (via The Washington Post):

The U.S. military is holding about 500 juveniles in detention centers in Iraq, and has about 10 detained at the U.S. base at Bagram, Afghanistan, the United States has told the United Nations.

A total of 2,500 youths under the age of 18 have been detained, almost all in Iraq, for periods up to a year or more in President Bush’s anti-terrorism campaign since 2002, the United States reported last week to the U.N.’s Committee on the Rights of the Child.

Because nothing could go wrong when you lock up kids with adults, right?

“The juveniles that the United States has detained have been captured engaging in anti-coalition activity, such as planting Improvised Explosive Devices, operating as lookouts for insurgents, or actively engaged in fighting against U.S. and Coalition forces,” the U.S. report said.

Excuse the fuck out of me if I feel less than inclined to take your word for it.

In Bagram, a U.S. military spokesman, Marine 1st Lt. Richard K. Ulsh, told the AP on Sunday: “At any time there are up to 625 detainees being held at the Bagram Theater Internment Facility. There are no detainees being held under the age of 16 and, without getting into specifics due to the frequent fluctuation in the number of detainees being held, we can tell you that there are currently less than 10 detainees being held under the age of 18.”

See above.

245 days is 245 days too long.

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Filed under The War Against Terror

An apology

Dear person who wound up here because he was looking for porn:

Sorry dude, I just swear a lot.

In the meantime, here’s two turkeys gettin’ it on:


Filed under A break from the fail, Lazy Latte Sipping Islahomo