Daily Archives: April 16, 2008

Sad little monkey scrabbles for a legacy

Maybe ifn I say sumthin’ ’bout th’ invyeromint folks’ll realize I’m a swell hombre (via The Washington Post, all emphases mine):

President Bush yesterday called for a national goal of halting the growth of U.S. greenhouse gas emissions by 2025, mostly by curbing power plant pollution.

Heh. That ways ifn anyone does anythin’ in the next, see … 2008 from 2025 … ten years, I kin say it was me whut did it. Whups, better reassure my base that I ain’t fergot ’bout them:

Bush’s proposal — which would rely on technological innovation for success [Translation: Dollarrific contracts with no clear time lines or definition of success. Hey, it worked in Iraq! – ed.] — was the administration’s most definite public statement yet on global warming. Coming at a time when lawmakers and climate negotiators are focused on fashioning a binding climate accord under the next administration, however, it remained uncertain how much the president’s initiative could influence the shape of legislation and impending treaty talks in the months to come.

We all know Commander Codpiece’s last minute gibberings about the environment will have less influence on legislation than I have on the gravitational pull of the big rock formerly known as the planet Pluto. But that won’t stop some lick spittle whore of a biographer from claiming that 1. Thanks to King God President Bush, only half of Shenandoah National Park spontaneously combusted in 2020. 2. If only people had listened to King God President Bush, none of SNP would have spontaneously combusted in 2020.

I just realized that for the rest of my life, I will want to beat the shit of anyone who thinks this doucheswill of a bastard was a decent president. Note to self: Fill walking cane with lead.

But enough about my impending codgerdom. Does Bush’s goal come close to reality as defined by people with fully functional brains?

Scientists of the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change concluded last year that global greenhouse gas emissions must begin to drop by 2015 in order to avert drastic climate change, a timetable that would compel developed nations to turn that corner even earlier, given the rapidly rising emission rates of developing nations such as China and India.

No surprises there. Or here:

Several Democratic lawmakers mocked Bush’s announcement, saying they expect the next president to sign a climate bill into law. The Senate is planning to vote on legislation in June that seeks to halt the growth of greenhouse gas emissions in 2012, 13 years before Bush’s deadline, and all three presidential candidates are expected to back that timetable.

You may continue your journey to history’s recycle bin Mr. President.

The forces of Tulipistan monitor their traditional enemy. And wait. And plan.


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