Daily Archives: April 8, 2008

Jungle Boogie

We’re all looking at you, Dr. Rice (via the AssPress):

At the State Department, one credit-card holder bought $360 worth of women’s lingerie at Seduccion Boutique for use during jungle training by trainees of a drug enforcement program in Ecuador.

You go to war with the army you have, but don’t get caught dead in an out of date suit:

At the Pentagon, four employees purchased $77,700 in clothing and accessories at high-end clothing and sporting goods stores. The spending included more than $45,000 at Brooks Brothers and similar stores for tailor-made suits — $7,000 of which were purchased a week before Christmas. The credit-card holders said the items were for service members working at U.S. embassies with civilian attire. Pentagon rules allow purchases of civilian clothing when performing official duty, but generally only up to $860 per person.

Fun with blood pressure: Think about how much body armor $77 grand would buy. Ha ha! You just blew a blood vessel!

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Filed under Fail Watch, Greed

Protecting the Chimperor’s banana supply (286)

Monkey don’t get banana, monkey get angry. Monkey start another war! Must. Obey. The monkey (via The Washington Post):

This agreement will advance America’s national security interests in a critical region.

And:

The need for this agreement is too urgent, the stakes for our national security are too high to allow this year to end without a vote.

And:

Approving this agreement is urgent for our national security reasons.

Hey! Don’t forget to rattle that old sabre at Chavez – Oh, never mind.

Colombia also faces a hostile and anti-American regime in Venezuela, which has met with FARC terrorist leaders and deployed troops to the Colombian border as a means of intimidating the Colombian government and its people.

Maybe you should get another whackjob to back up your bullshit – Oh, never mind.

The Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, has said, if the U.S. turns its back on its friends in Colombia, this will set back our cause far more than any Latin American dictator could hope to achieve.

Dear Columbians, Look out, I think he’s about to invade your asses (and not in a good way):

The stakes are high in South America. By acting at this critical moment, we can show a watching world that America will honor its commitments, we can provide a powerful rebuke to dictators and demagogues in our backyard, we can expand U.S. exports and export- related jobs, we can show millions across the hemisphere that democracy and free enterprise lead to a better life.

Did I say bananas? I meant coke.

Res ipsa loquitur

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Filed under Economy, Fail Watch, Foreign Policy, The War Against Terror