Nous sommes screwed

Christ, don’t let Bush say anything about the economy. Please God don’t let this gibbering bastard say anything about the economy. Aaaargh! Fuck! Nooooo (via the AssPress):

Eager to show that he feels people’s pain [And enjoying it immensely -ed.], President Bush told the country Thursday his administration is working feverishly to calm turmoil in the financial markets [Translation: Restore the smooth flow of cash to his buddies -ed.]. With reports swirling of possibly imminent new government action, the president met with his treasury secretary and the head of the Federal Reserve.

Yeah, I can imagine how that conversation went. President MonkeyWrench sat there nodding and rocking in his seat and asked questions like: “Would it help if we bombed Iran?” “How about if we invade Iran and then bombed them?” “Hey where’s my pretzles!?”

“The American people can be sure we will continue to act to strengthen and stabilize our financial markets and improve investor confidence,” the president said.

Bush did not specify what those steps might be. White House press secretary Dana Perino said she could not comment on them, either. “That’s something I’m not at liberty to talk about,” she said.

Translation: No one has idea one, we’re just trying to spin this out so we can get out of here without you suckers lynching us.

And just a reminder. If you think whatever “action” Commander Codbrain and his Pals concoct will benefit you, please reading the following aloud:

Eye am sofa king wetaded.

Again.

And again…

Is that an oil rig in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Wall-to-wall win (via the AssPress):

Gov’t officials probed about illicit sex, gifts

Government officials handling billions of dollars in oil royalties partied, had sex with and accepted golf and ski outings from employees of energy companies they were dealing with, federal investigators said Wednesday.

…

The investigations reveal a “culture of substance abuse and promiscuity” by a small group of individuals “wholly lacking in acceptance of or adherence to government ethical standards,” wrote Inspector General Earl E. Devaney, whose office spent more than two years and $5.3 million on the investigation.

“Sexual relationships with prohibited sources cannot, by definition, be arms-length,” Devaney said.

Really, from the headline onward there’s nothing I could possibly add to this. Go. Go read the story.

New Rule

Until Panorama is available on iTunes, anyone may walk up to Steve Jobs and pants him.

Please update your manuals.

Generals on the ground…

get trampled underfoot (via The Washington Post):

This is the untold history of how the Bush administration wrestled with that question. Compiled from classified documents and interviews with more than 150 participants, it reveals that the administration’s efforts to develop a new Iraq strategy were crippled by dissension among the president’s advisers, delayed by political calculations and undermined by a widening and sometimes bitter rift in civilian-military relations.

No administration willingly puts its disagreements on display, but what happened in Washington during 2006 went beyond the usual give-and-take of government. The level of distrust became so severe that Bush eventually activated a back channel to [General George W. Casey Jr's] replacement in Iraq, Gen. David H. Petraeus, circumventing the established chain of command. While the violence in Iraq skyrocketed to unnerving levels, a second front in the war raged at home, fought at the highest levels of the White House, the Pentagon, the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the State Department.

Except in this war, people weren’t maimed and killed.

Stupid fuckers.

Part Two is up today and watching Bob Woodward show he’s still got his chops is a teeny glimmer of delight in all this shit.

Brother can you spare 1,000,000 bazillion dimes? (Updated)

Well, well, well. Here’s a surprise. If you’ve been in a coma for the past eight years (via The Washington Post):

The government has formulated a plan to put troubled mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac under federal control, dismiss their top executives and prop them up financially, federal officials told the two companies yesterday, according to three sources familiar with the conversations.